


What If

by Rheaird_of_Life



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Groundhog Day, Time Loop, pauna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-05-09
Packaged: 2018-03-25 19:44:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3822532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rheaird_of_Life/pseuds/Rheaird_of_Life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a fun little exercise to see what might happen if Lexa is stuck in a time loop, forced to relive the pauna day over and over again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am presuming that episode 10 does not in fact take place the next morning after Gustus' death, but the day after that.

She knew she was supposed to be keeping watch for any sign of danger, but Clarke was so peaceful when she slept, none of that admirable bravado and fight ever present, that Lexa didn't, _couldn't_ look away for the few hours of rest her saviour deserved. Since the first day they met, Lexa knew there was something different, _special_ about this girl, and it was becoming harder and harder to push down the feelings that threatened to surface at any moment. Being alone with Clarke in this tranquil state didn't do her any favours and was making her uncharacteristically anxious.

So it was almost a relief when the pauna roared loud enough to rouse her companion and send them on their way. The people of Tondc were relieved to see her safe return, many fearing the worst. She thanked them for their concern with a few quiet words, avoided a healer's attempts to examine her previously dislocated, yet still smarting shoulder, and allowed herself to drift off, thoughts filled with a certain blonde haired beauty.

* * *

The giver of sustenance and strength awakened her to a new and glorious day - or at least, a new and glorious afternoon. Lexa lay on her back for a few moments, admiring the way the sunlight peeked through all the tiny cracks of this metal tent. She wondered what it was like to be everywhere at once, allowing everything you touched to thrive, to sprout new life.

Then, knowing she had duties to attend to, like convincing the clan leaders that Clarke's plan was indeed feasible, she pushed herself into a sitting position, forgetting that she had hurt herself yesterday. Lexa braced for the pain that would surely course through her arm, but it never came.

_That's odd_ , she thought. _I heal swiftly, but not_ _that_ _swiftly._

When she looked to her right arm and saw that the makeshift sling was missing, she frowned further. Had someone entered her quarters and removed it?

She looked around but saw no sign of the piece of Clarke's shirt. When she looked back to her arm, she realized she wasn't even wearing the armour she fell asleep in, dressed instead in her light and comfortable night attire.

Lexa didn't know what to make of this.

Before she could think on it too much, her temporary guard and clan leader, Wes, called through the partially opened door.

"Heda, the sky princess requests entrance. Should I grant it?"

Had she not witnessed the pauna killing him yesterday? Was she mistaking his voice for someone elses?

Befuddled by the situation, she didn't immediately respond.

"Heda?"

"Wes?"

"Yes?"

"I will be with her presently," she eventually announced.

As fast as her troubled mind could manage, she threw on clothing befitting of a commander and exited the well kept home a woman had so graciously given her during her stay here. There was Wes, looking perfectly fine.

How had he managed to survive the pauna's onslaught?

He raised an eyebrow at her continued staring and she glanced away. Within seconds she spotted Clarke amongst the haphazard metal structures and forgot about being confused about Wes. Lexa made her way to Clarke, every step a little more draining on her ample amounts of reserve.

"You wished to see me?" she asked, an unexpected hope blossoming in her chest.

People were known to come together after surviving a life threatening situation. It happened all the time. _And_ they owed each other a life debt, which was arguably even more likely to bring them together.

What was she thinking? This would be a terrible thing to happen. Now was not the time for distraction.

The mesmerizing girl looked up. Her heart thudded as their eyes connected. "I've been thinking, Lexa...now that all the clan leaders have given their updates, we need to agree upon a strategy as soon as possible. We need to stay in that bunker until we reach a consensus. And that needs to be _today_. There's no telling how long Bellamy can maintain his cover for once he's inside. We need to be ready to strike at a moment's notice."

Lexa blinked in surprise. Weren't those the exact same words she had said to her yesterday? Hadn't Lexa bristled at the girl for presuming to take command?

It was then that she noticed Clarke's guard, Major Byrne, whole and unharmed, standing off to the side, keeping to the shadows.

_The woman was alive as well?_

She swallowed hard and focused on steadying her breathing. This was easier said than done, for when she glanced over Clarke's shoulder and saw _Quint_ walk past, giving the blonde a dirty look, she nearly yelped in disbelief.

"Lexa?" said Clarke quizzically. "Everything okay?"

"Everything is fine," she lied, mind reeling.

Several seconds passed. "So...what do you think about my idea?"

" _What_?!" she snapped distractedly, causing Clarke to flinch. She eyed the confused looking girl for a moment. "Oh yes, the meeting. We will reconvene in one hours time."

_Hopefully that will be long enough for me to understand what is going on here._

Without another word she turned on her heel and strolled into the forest, away from all of the noise and distraction of the bustling village, lost in thought.

Suddenly there was a fearsome roar. Lexa jerked her head up in time to see the underbrush being trampled down by her least favourite, nearly indestructible animal foe.

_Pauna_! she screamed internally, blood turning cold as she reached for her sword, the same one that had been destroyed yesterday.

A dagger whizzed by and barely embedded itself in the creatures thick chest. Enraged, it turned its attention to the entirely too fragile looking man, charging.

"Run, heda, run!" Wes yelled, as he reached for a second dagger. "Save yourself!"

She knew if she did he would die. She knew his life was more expendable than her own. She knew many would gladly become her new guard. And yet...after Clarke's foolhardy behaviour yesterday, something had changed within, and instead of fleeing, she chased after the beast and hacked at its back legs. It spun around and swung a massive fist at her head that she barely managed to dodge by dropping to the ground. Before it could trample her, Wes released another dagger into its back, the closer range causing it to have a greater impact.

The pauna howled in pain and turned to face its second assailant.

"Run, heda, run!" he repeated when it was nearly upon him, slowing to a stand still to strike.

Lexa took the opportunity to leap at its back, thrusting her sword in as far as she could between its shoulder blades, missing its heart by mililmetres. It screamed some more, flailing around madly as it tried to grab her. She stood her ground, or rather her fur, holding onto her sword for dear life.

Hands shaking terribly, Wes slashed wildly at the creature with his broadsword. The pauna whacked him off to the side as if he weighed nothing, his lithe body colliding with a tree ten feet away. Her guard didn't move again. It was incredibly surreal to watch someone die the same way twice.

Lexa knew if she let go, she would probably join his fate. She also knew if she didn't, it would eventually succeed in grabbing hold and tearing her to pieces.

Strength fading fast, she took a deep breath, hopped from its back and sprinted for all her worth. They had injured it a great deal and it moved slower than it normally would have, allowing her to just barely keep ahead of its furious reach. But not for long. Being all turned around, she had no idea where she was heading and ended up face to face with a considerable drop into what appeared to be a shallow creek bed below. Not jumping was certain death. Jumping was slightly less certain.

She jumped.

With a jolt she awoke in her bed, beyond bewildered. Then when some logic returned, she laughed quietly at herself.

_It was simply a dream. A very vivid dream, but a dream nonetheless._

Her smile instantly faded when she noticed that her shoulder did not hurt and the sling was missing once more.

_Oh no._


	2. Day 2

Rigidly she sat there until Wes informed her that Clarke requested an audience.

Hastily she collected herself, donned her armour and approached the girl, unconsciously staring at everything wide eyed, like it didn't exist.

Clarke looked up and frowned. "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Lexa mastered her emotions better. "What did you wish to see me about?" she asked, knowing the answer already.

"I've been thinking, Lexa..." Clarke began, saying the same thing she had said yesterday...and the day before.

"We cannot force the issue, Clarke," she replied as she had done the first time. "It takes as long as it takes to come to a consensus."

"And what happens if we _never_ do?" Clarke countered a bit hotly, taking a step closer.

Using all of her height difference to intimidate she said, "Then _I_ will have the final say." They faced off for a moment longer until Clarke backed off.

Lexa ordered the leaders to assemble and within an hour they were arguing over war strategies, the same strategies they had previously fought over but apparently didn't remember doing so. She barely paid attention, absentmindedly staring at the map before her, willing herself to remain level headed.

She was jarred out of her mantra by Quint slamming his hands into the war planning table.

"All you offer is _no_ , girl."

"Quint," she warned.

He apologized soon after and went on about their sizable army, about all of the people who had died at the Maunon's hands, and finished with, "She says she has a plan. I say waiting for one man is not a very good one."

"I agree with Quint," said Wes. "We have an army, let's use it."

"We will," said Clarke. " _After_ Bellamy lowers their defences, turns off the acid fog." She became more impassioned and Lexa couldn't help but stare. The sunlight was streaming through the cracks in the ceiling, hitting her just so, making her look even more angelic than usual. "I don't _care_ how many men you have. If you can't get to your enemy, you can't win."

The two proceeded to have their face off about his dead brother. Lexa told them to cut it out. Quint said he couldn't be in an alliance with the sky people.

She eyed Quint dangerously, wishing she could simply slit his throat here and now. Instead she let her gaze flutter from leader to leader. She could see that most agreed with Quint. Her sight settled on Clarke. The vibrant girl looked back impassively.

"I agree with Clarke," she said calmly. Lexa enjoyed seeing the slight change in features; a soft, barely discernible surprise - and a smile threatened to break out, so she turned her gaze to the others. "We will continue to prepare our army for invasion. But as long as the sky boy lives, we will wait to strike."

There was a fair amount of muttering at this declaration. Quint became enraged, tossed some unlit candles and papers to the ground, and stormed out of the bunker.

Wes made to follow but she said, "Leave him be. He has just forfeited any say in future battle plans."

Lexa knew saying this made her a hypocrite. When Clarke had left after not getting her way, she hadn't publicly barred her from future input. But Clarke was considerably more pleasant to look at, no matter how obstinate she got.

"Once Bellamy gets inside," Lexa continued, "he can release our people, give us a fighting chance from both sides of the mountain."

She could see that the clan leaders were more receptive to the idea now. And unless they could recommend a better option, this is what they would go with.

"That's brilliant, commander," said Clarke, looking at her keenly. "I can't believe I never thought of that before!"

Lexa smiled to herself privately, not feeling guilty at all for stealing her idea.

They discussed various war strategies for another hour and then she dismissed them. All of the leaders filed out, save for Wes. Clarke caught her eye across the large table. She dismissed Wes too. Clarke's guard, Byrne, remained.

"Thanks for standing by me, Lexa. I really appreciate it."

"Don't thank me, Clarke." _I stole your idea._ "I chose the most logical path." _The_ _only_ _path_. "The last time a commander took an army towards the mountain, most perished in the acid fog and the rest were gunned down at the entrance. That commander was my predecessor. I don't intend to make the same mistake twice."

_And perhaps a different decision will end this day._

After a brief contemplative silence, Clarke moved closer towards her. "I was going to get something to eat. Do you want to join me?"

Rather than question this too much, Lexa just dipped her head once, eager to spend more time with the girl in hopefully more pleasant circumstances than the last time.

Side by side they walked up the crumbling stairs and out into the fresh air, Byrne trailing behind. As they threaded their way through the buildings and over to the meat house, she noticed Quint watching them, looking meaner than usual. She itched to dispatch of him for daring to harm Clarke, but until he made a move against them on _this_ day, her hands were tied. Killing him for no apparent reason would not be good for morale and could possibly even lead to a revolt by his clan. No, she would have to bide her time and wait, just as they intended to do with the war. Equally disheartening, but necessary.

Because she was the commander, she didn't have to wait to be served. Her people scrambled out of the way, allowing her to take the choicest cuts of meat for herself. She wished they wouldn't do this, wouldn't treat her as being better than themselves, but this was the nature of her circumstances and had been for a long time. She was used to it by now and so had accepted Faori's home graciously and without question. To do otherwise would have been a grave insult.

With the knife on hand, Lexa cut off two strips of hanging dried deer thigh, placed them on the metal plates present and sat down across from Clarke on the tree stumps expressly made for this purpose. Without asking, two cups brimming with water were offered to them. She took a polite sip and then placed it beside her on the dirt. Clarke did the same.

"It must be so strange having people just doing things for you all the time, no questions asked."

"I have become accustomed to it. And so will you."

"Me?" Clarke responded, taken aback.

Lexa eyed her closely. "Despite a lack of proper title, you are your people's leader, are you not?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She played with her piece of meat. "I didn't ask to be though."

"Neither did I."

They shared a look for a moment, Lexa unabashedly taking the opportunity to enjoy her lovely features.

Finally Clarke said, "So, I suppose now that we have a plan of action...or I guess inaction, I'll need to go back to Camp Jaha in order to make contact with Bellamy and keep tabs on his progress."

Nodding, Lexa swallowed a morsel of meat. If Clarke had faith in the sky boy, she would too.

"I'll also see what Raven can do to help us out." She frowned. "Assuming of course, she _will_ actually help us out..."

"From what you have told me, Raven is a highly intelligent girl, she will put aside her hatred towards us in order to save her friends."

"From what _I've_ told you?" Clarke said quizzically. "What do you mean? We've never discussed Raven before."

Lexa clamped her teeth together, annoyed at her slip of the tongue. They _had_ discussed Raven's impressive mechanical abilities before, but that was during their two mile hike back to Tondc...something that never happened for Clarke. It saddened Lexa a bit that their terrifying bonding experience was so one sided.

Clarke was still staring at her strangely and Lexa filled the silence by glancing away, taking another sip of water. She noticed Quint watching them again and involuntarily her hands balled into fists. Would he follow Clarke when she left and attempt to do what he did last time? There was no doubt in Lexa's mind that he would. She put aside her dish, and strode over to confront the bald menacing warrior, who was partially obscured by the side of a building.

He glared at her defiantly, not even bothering to pretend to be doing something other than he was.

"What is the meaning of this?" she said sternly, hands behind her back.

"How could you choose that _girl_ over your own people?!" he said gruffly, barely managing to keep his voice at a normal volume. "She killed my brother. She-"

" _I_ killed your brother," interjected Lexa. " _I_ ordered the attack. _I_ underestimated the sky people. _I_ alone am responsible for Loki's death."

She was purposely trying to goad him into doing something foolish, and while he looked close to snapping, to Lexa's disappointment he didn't.

"If you attempt to harm her in any way," she placed her hand on the hilt of her sword, "I will kill you too."

Quint bristled at that and stomped off again, muttering rude Trigedasleng under his breath.

"Follow him," she said to her shadow, Wes. Stealthily, he took off after the disgruntled warrior.

Perturbed, she went back to finish her meal.

"Trouble in paradise?" said Clarke.

"When you leave here, Clarke, be wary of Quint. He is hot tempered and prone to folly."

How he became clan leader, she would never know.

"I'm not worried. I get the impression that he's more bark than bite."

What was it with the sky people and their strange sayings?

Lexa stared her down. "Do not underestimate Quint. Doing so may be the last thing you ever do." She looked over at Major Byrne, standing at attention a short distance away. "If he threatens you in any manner, you have my permission to shoot him."

"Yes, commander."

"If he's so dangerous," said Clarke a little uncertainly, "why don't you just deal with him?"

"There is a large difference between hostility and action," she said simply, thinking of Gustus. _This alliance is fragile enough as it is. And perhaps my warning will be enough to sway Quint this time._

"I'll be careful," Clarke said sincerely.

_Thank you, Clarke._ She nodded faintly and picked at the remainder of her food, an uneasiness growing in her stomach.

By the time Clarke was set to leave, Lexa was so anxious that she ordered Quint to be brought to her. Having eyes on the past traitor would make her feel a lot better.

A few minutes later the man she had sent for the job came back empty handed.

"Find Wes then."

Once he left, she desperately wanted to do the same, but she also didn't want to let Clarke out of her sight until Quint _was_.

Clarke and her guard were now horse bound and Fabin had yet to return. Ignoring the strange looks she was getting, she took off like a deer into the forest along the path to Camp Jaha, agile and silent. Before long she had passed by the two meandering travellers. Lexa's eyes were peeled for anything out of the ordinary down the line.

When she found it, it was too late.

The steel tipped arrow easily pierced through her side armour and lodged into her ribs, nicking her lungs. The pain was excruciating. Her momentum carried her forward a bit before she roughly fell to her knees.

Quint stepped out of the trees cover, notching another arrow as she feebly reached for her dagger. This motion sent a spasm throughout her tiny frame and she collapsed, coughing up blood. Through her laboured breathing and hazy vision, she thought he looked quite deranged. The blood dripping from his sheathed dagger only enhanced the effect.

_I'm sorry Wes_ , she solemnly thought, closing her eyes.

"For my brother," he said, releasing the second arrow into her head.

She came to in her bed again, thankful that the pain had come to an end.


	3. Day 3

It took a moment for Lexa to get over the shock of dying...again, but once she did, she was fuming.

_How dare he raise his hand to me!_

As she quickly dressed, the anger continued to rage within her, boiling her blood and pinpointing her vision. So when Wes informed her of Clarke's request, she simply stormed past him, ignored Clarke altogether and focused all her attention on locating Quint.

He was where he was expected to be, over by the old dried up well. Their eyes met and he gave her a questioning stare as she marched up to him.

"Heda?" he said a little uncertainly as she reached behind her and unsheathed her sword.

All she saw was red. Not the curious crowd. Nor Wes or Clarke trying to get her attention. Just red.

In one fluid movement she beheaded him, his head dropping down the well, followed by an ugly squelching sound as it hit rock bottom. Blood gushed out everywhere, fairly drenching her in it. She stepped back and with a hefty kick knocked the rest of his body into the black pit.* It thudded and echoed with finality.

The stunned silence that resulted from this action was deafening. Then the muttering began, many questioning the sanity of their leader under their breath. She glared at them in turn and they all scattered as far as they could without leaving Tondc. The commander's wrath was not a good thing to incur, as had just been amply demonstrated.

Still simmering, she sat on the edge of the well, finding a bloodless spot and proceeded to wipe her blade clean with a cloth she had demanded from Wes, the only Trikru brave enough to stay in her vicinity. When that was done and she had re-sheathed the deadly weapon, Clarke swam into view and some of the bloodlust transformed into pure lust. The blonde beauty looked absolutely ravishing in that moment. With a great difficulty, she pushed down the almost overwhelming urge to grab the wide eyed girl and kiss her for all her worth.

Timidly, "Um, commander, are you okay?"

Lexa was getting tired of her asking that every single day, even if it was warranted.

"I am fine," she replied, as she wiped the ample amounts of blood off of her face with the clean side of the cloth.

Tentatively, "So...uh, do you want to talk about what just happened?"

"No," she said simply, getting up and moving away from temptation.

She was a little disappointed when Clarke didn't pursue her further. With everyone on edge now, she decided to take a walk in the forest, in a completely different direction than the last times. For once, this innocuous action was uneventful and an hour later she strode back into the village with a clear mind.

There was a small group of people waiting for her in the centre of Tondc. She recognized them as members of Quint's clan. Emotions ranged from confusion, to anger, to fear. Lexa had been expecting this so she physically prepared herself for the blow back of her actions.

She stopped about six feet back. This was far enough away to be out of their reach, but close enough that she could step forward and slash if needs be. The bravest of the bunch, Quint's second, stepped forward. The sandy haired boy couldn't have been more than fifteen but he was quite large for his age and could easily take her out if she dropped her guard. She wasn't afraid though, especially not when Wes was ready to intervene. His loyalty knew no bounds.

In a surprisingly deep voice the boy, Harmin, she believed, said, "Commander, we demand an explanation for Quint's execution."

Lexa dipped her head. "Quint was a traitor." The people stiffened and bristled at this assertion. "He sought retribution for his brothers death and planned to kill the sky princess this very day."

Harmin tightened his grip on the hilt of his sword. "I know of no such plot. What evidence do you have of his treachery?"

His clan, and it _was_ his clan now, muttered their assent. More knuckles whitened against weapons.

She stared them down as she said, "My word."

"And mine as well," came a woman's voice from off to the side. Lexa didn't need to glance over there to know who it was. Clarke walked over to her side. "He threatened my life yesterday. Said if I didn't leave he would avenge his brothers death, and damn the consequences. I feared for my safety so I told the commander about his death threat this morning. Your commander dealt with it as she saw fit."

Harmin's clan wavered in their beliefs as evidenced by many bowing their heads in shame for daring to question the word of their commander. Harmin himself held firm, gesturing towards Clarke. "What proof is there that the sky girl did not simply make up this story?"

"Why would I?!" said Clarke hotly, taking a bold step closer to the hulking boy. "Why would I sabotage all of our progress on a lie and risk ending this alliance before my people are rescued?! I'm the one who prevented it from breaking less than two days ago!" She poked him in the chest. Lexa wondered if anyone had ever gotten away with that without losing their finger. "Or have you _already_ forgotten Gustus' framing attempt?!"

The majority of Harmin's clan was backing away now, murmuring their apologies to Lexa. Clarke defiantly stared up at the boy until he too grumbled and moved off.

When Clarke turned to face her, she couldn't help but smile a bit. The girl had put on quite a show. Clarke glared at her and said, "Can we talk in private?"

Lexa nodded, still smirking ever so slightly, and led her down into the war planning room of the bunker. Having ordered their guards to stay put at the top of the stairs, and disregarding the rats, they were completely alone.

"Are you _trying_ to sabotage this alliance, Lexa?!" demanded Clarke in that fiery manner she loved so much.

Again, a sudden urge to grab and kiss her took hold. Again, she pushed it down, placing a hand on the edge of the giant table, gripping it tight, in order to restrain herself.

"Of course not, Clarke," she replied softly. "I require this alliance just as much as you do."

"Then why the hell did you kill Quint like that?!"

She clenched her teeth together thinking of his betrayals. "He was a traitor." Lexa caught her eye. "And he _did_ plan to take your life as vengeance for his brother. I did not lie."

Clarke shook her head in disbelief. "I don't understand. How could you _possibly_ have known that?"

"You have witnessed his animosity first hand, Clarke. Is it really so shocking that he wished you dead?"

"No, it's not, but I still don't understand how you could have known for sure. It's not like you to kill people without just cause." Clarke looked at her closely. "I _know_ you don't enjoy it."

Lexa knew she was referring to Gustus' death. The recent memory nearly brought tears to her eyes and she glanced away, swallowing hard.

"So, what's _really_ going on here?"

When she didn't say anything for some time, Clarke released an aggravated noise and turned to leave.

"I'm going to tell you something now, Clarke," she said very quietly. Clarke pivoted around, impatiently waiting.

"I'm listening."

She nodded once. "For the past few days I have been experiencing an unusual phenomenon." She looked into Clarke's ocean depths and they felt as vast as this never ending day. "I have been reliving today."

Clarke scrunched up her face. "I don't understand."

Lexa spent the next five minutes explaining to the best of her abilities.

"So," said Clarke slowly, "what you're saying is...you're stuck in groundhog day?"

Lexa raised an eyebrow and Clarke proceeded to describe the premise to the 'movie.'

"Yes," said Lexa flabbergasted, "that is exactly what I have been experiencing. Was this a common occurrence in the past? Is that why they documented it?"

Clarke rolled her eyes. "No, Lexa, it wasn't. Movies aren't real. Time loops don't exist." She swept her arm to the side. " _None_ of what you've said is possible."

"Then you think me a liar?" she said with a frown.

"Well, no," Clarke responded eventually. "I think _you_ think it's real."

"I have _not_ lost my mind, Clarke," Lexa said sternly, thumping her hand lightly on the table.

"Look, Lexa, I'd love to believe you, but I don't see how I can."

"Inform me of your darkest desires," she said, after a moments thought.

"Like hell I will!" Clarke exclaimed, unconsciously backing away from her. "That's _none_ of your business!"

"Exactly, Clarke," Lexa said with a tiny smirk, eyes twinkling mischievously. "If you tell me something you have never told anyone else, there is no way I could possibly know such a thing and you will believe me tomorrow."

She jutted out her chin, moved closer and jabbed Lexa in the chest, much as she had done to Harmin. Lexa bore the abuse with a smile. "I don't know what game you're playing here, but I'm _not_ going to tell you my secrets."

The smile vanished when she looked away. "I told you about Costia," she gently uttered.

Clarke sighed loudly. "Fine! I'll tell you something." She held up a finger. "But only _one_ thing! And it's sure as hell not going to be a dark desire!"

Lexa smiled again. "I'm listening."

* * *

***THIS IS SPARTAAAA! xD**


	4. Day 4

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully and Lexa went to sleep, grinning to herself about Clarke's secret and for once eager to repeat the day.

* * *

When Wes informed her that Clarke requested an audience, she told him to let her in.

Clarke entered the small tin house and said, "I've been thinking, Lexa..." her voice trailed off when she caught sight of the commander, eyes wide in confusion, and Lexa liked to think, something else.

Lexa had not gotten dressed this morning and instead was wearing only her sleeping garments; that is to say, a tank top and a pair of underwear that travelled to mid thigh. She had undone her hair and it was flowing over her shoulders in a tangled, though still somehow, attractive mess.

"Uh, sorry," Clarke said a bit dazedly, not looking away. "I thought you were ready to see me."

"I am, Clarke," she replied, doing her best not to smirk and remain serious. She shifted slightly in her sitting position on the bed, placing a hand on her thigh. "I have something important to show you."

"Um..." Clarke murmured, eyes travelling where Lexa had led them.

"Come here, Clarke," she urged softly.

Clarke didn't move, remaining transfixed to the spot, so Lexa stood up and went over to her.

The bewildered girl started backing away. Soon she had hit the wall and was trapped. The only way out of the house was to go through the commander.

"Lexa, I don't know-"

"What's the matter, Clarke?" she interrupted. "Why are you so uncomfortable?"

Clarke swallowed and firmly said, " _Don't_ , Lexa."

"Don't _what_ , Clarke?" she said innocently, crossing her bare arms, again directing Clarke's gaze.

"I, uh... don't...uh..."

Lexa finally took pity on the girl. "Don't show you my tattoos?"

"What?" said Clarke, completely taken aback, eyes snapping to her face. She blinked rapidly a few times. "Tattoos?"

"Yes," said Lexa with a genuine smile. "I thought you might like to see them."

She turned sideways, moved her hair out of the way and gestured to the blue pattern on her upper right arm. "I received this after my first kill. I was thirteen." Lexa glanced at Clarke. "It symbolizes strength and vitality." She pointed to her lower left calf where a deer resided. "I received this one when I was fifteen. It signifies that I am swift and sure footed." She turned around so that her back was to Clarke and started to pull off her shirt. Lexa was mildly surprised when Clarke did not protest this action.

This final tattoo spanned the entirety of Lexa's back, with wings on her shoulder blades and an intricate pattern spreading out from them and trailing to a stop right before her underwear began.

"I was given this one when I became commander, just as the commander before and the one before that and so on. It shows that we are fearless and will go to any length to ensure our people's safety and survival."

"It's really beautiful," said Clarke quietly.

"Yes, I like to think so-"

She stiffened when Clarke placed a fingertip to her skin and began lightly tracing the design, starting from the centre of her spine and moving upwards to the wings. Lexa focused on keeping her breath even and did her best to appear unaffected. Clarke's touch lingered on her shoulder blade for a time, and then after what seemed like an eternity, retracted her finger.

Neither spoke or moved for several moments more. Lexa regained control of her emotions and covered herself before turning to face Clarke.

Clarke was looking at her strangely, in an intense manner that Lexa had never seen before. Her ocean depths bore into her grassy fields as if trying to divine the secrets of the universe.

Clarke blinked again and looked away. "Why did you show me that, Lexa?"

Lexa cleared her mind, crossed over to the square table and took a seat. She gestured for Clarke to do the same.

Once situated she said, "You told me you had an interest in our artwork, in particular our tattoos. You said you would like to have one of your own, something invoking unity and life...and that you would want it to be on the back of your hand so that you could admire it at all times, just as you admired the Earth from the Ark."

Clarke gaped at her for a second and then said, "H-how did you know that?"

"It's like I said, _you_ told me of your desire."

"But I didn't," the puzzled girl muttered, shaking her head. "I think I would have remembered."

Lexa proceeded to inform her of the 'groundhog day' effect, to which Clarke balked at.

"I-I don't believe you," Clarke said, getting up and hurriedly leaving the metal hut.

Lexa huffed in frustration and quickly threw on her things before chasing after her. She enquired from Wes as to which direction Clarke had gone in and groaned internally when she learned it was towards the pauna's den.

They took off into the trees like they had done that first day, when she had halted the meeting to follow Quint and make sure he didn't do something foolish. Predictably he had and she had gladly struck him down. He was her least favourite clan leader and almost as irritating as Indra. She kept Indra close by because she knew her loyalty was forever, no matter what decisions Lexa made.

Thankfully Quint was nowhere to be seen on this day and they caught up to Clarke and her guard without incident. They both spun and nearly shot holes in Lexa and Wes.

Lexa lifted a placating hand. Clarke turned away and continued on with Byrne by her side, flat out refusing to engage in civil conversation.

"What do _you_ want? Have another ridiculous story to tell?"

"Clarke," called Lexa gently, "it's dangerous out here. You need to head back now."

"Thanks for the concern, but I'll be fine," she retorted, holding up her pistol.

"No, you won't," insisted Lexa, jogging up on her other side. "There are monstrous creatures in these parts. Your weapon would only serve to enrage them. Pauna's cannot be killed with mere bullets."

"Oh and I suppose you know that because it's _already_ happened, right?"

"Yes."

Wes and Byrne shared a look but neither said a thing. Obstinately, Clarke continued charging along the root strewn path. Lexa estimated they were about half way to the den by now. In a short while it would be able to smell their approach and they would be lucky to make it out alive a second time.

"When have I ever lied to you?"

"Uh, let me see," said Clarke sarcastically, "about twenty minutes ago. Yeah, that would be about right." Clarke rounded on her. "For all I know you've been lying this entire time and you plan on betraying my people once we take down the mountain. Finish what you started."

The accusation hurt Lexa. A lot. She pushed this melancholy aside, clenched her fists and said, "Fine then. Keep on your fools quest. I will have no part of it."

Despite her words, she stayed put, watching Clarke head out of sight and to her eventual demise. Not long after, there was a fearsome roar followed by rapid bursts of gunfire, courtesy of Byrne's automatic.

Cursing under her breath, she took off after the idiot girl and arrived on the scene just as Byrne was having her machine gun arm ripped from her body. The beast had set its sights on Clarke who was on her behind, levelling all of her ammunition into its bleeding torso. She clicked empty and looked terrified as it jumped fifteen feet, landing right in front of her. Before the beast could pound Clarke into the ground, Lexa hurled her dagger at it as hard as she could. It was hard to say who was more surprised when the blade made contact with the pauna's skull, piercing through the unusually thick bone. The beast instantly crumpled forward, Clarke scrambling out of the way just in time before being crushed by its sheer weight.

The panting girl looked over at her saviour. "I think I officially believe you now."

Lexa rolled her eyes and hopped down from the log she had been standing on. Swiftly she moved to Clarke's side, helped her onto shaky legs and then retrieved her dagger. Or at least she attempted to. It was lodged so far in the pauna's skull that it had managed to get itself stuck on something. She placed a boot to the back of its neck as she yanked for all her worth. It simply wouldn't budge.

"Lexa, leave it," Clarke said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

The commander shrugged her off and continued at it.

"Don't you have other daggers?"

"Of course I do," she grunted, "but this one is my favourite."

_Anya gave it to me._

"Lexa, we should probably go," Clarke said, glancing around nervously. "There could be more of them out there."

"Wes, retrieve my dagger!"

With a great effort he got it loose, but in the process broke most of the blade off in its skull. After grabbing the wooden handle from Wes, she glanced or rather glared at Clarke and then headed back to Tondc at a rapid pace. It was Clarke's turn to jog and keep up with her.

"I'm sorry about the dagger. And I wanted to thank you for saving my life."

Lexa nodded once out of habit even though she was pretty annoyed at Clarke for the destruction of Anya's present.

"So...a time loop, huh? That's pretty crazy. What do you think is causing it?"

"If I knew that, Clarke, do you think I would still be in it?!" she snapped. "Do you think I enjoy not being able to move forward with this war and save my people?! Do you think I enjoy you asking me the same inane questions every day?!"

Clarke gave the frizzy haired, somewhat demented looking warrior a worried look and said, "Are you okay?"

"Gahhhhh!"

* * *

**What comes around, goes around. That's what she gets for being a little shit.**


	5. Day 4 cont.

After calming down and fixing her hair, they sat across from each other in Lexa's borrowed home. While Lexa sat erect, hands in lap, ever the stoic figure, Clarke hunched forward, hands clasped together, arms resting on the smooth wooden table.

"Okay, so explain to me what happened that first day, before the day started repeating." Lexa gave her a questioning look. "Maybe there's a clue as to what's keeping you here."

She nodded. "We were convening in that meeting you wanted...want...you didn't get your way," Clarke made her grumpy face at that, "and went off into the woods-"

"And a pauna attacked me."

"No, Quint did." She half smirked. " _Then_ the pauna moments after."

"I knew there was a reason I didn't like him," growled Clarke, banging on the table. "How the hell did we survive?"

"You found what at first appeared to be a safe haven...but that turned out to be-"

"The pauna's den."

"How did you know?" Lexa enquired, hopeful that Clarke was starting to remember.

"Give me _some_ credit, Lexa. I can read between the lines." Confused by these sayings, Lexa just stared at her. "You were saying?" Clarke said with a slight wave of her hand.

Lexa dipped her head and continued the narration. "Wes was killed shortly after we made our way into the den. After fighting the beast off, we barricaded ourselves in its cage and you tended to my shoulder." Clarke's turn to look puzzled. "It was dislocated. We briefly discussed how our commanders were chosen-"

"Reincarnation."

"Yes." Lexa's eyes snapped to Clarke's. "Wait, how did you know that as well?"

Clarke leaned back in her seat, furrowing her brow. "I don't know...it just came to me."

They stared at each other for a bit, both wondering if there was any significance to this.

"And then what happened?" said Clarke, getting back on track.

"The pauna found us. We barely managed to evade and secure it within its own cage. We rested a short distance away. In the morning we headed back to Tondc."

"And that's it?" said Clarke, doubtfully. "That's everything?"

"I went to sleep thinking about-" she caught herself just in time and glanced away, "the previous days events. When I awoke, it was to find myself in this nightmarish reality."

Clarke was contemplative for awhile. Lexa took the opportunity to drink in her features without fear of reproach. More often than not she found herself thinking about that look Clarke had given her earlier that day and what that was all about. And with those thoughts, Clarke's lips became the only object of import. So it was that Clarke had to snap her out of it.

"Earth to Lexa," Clarke said, waving a hand in front of her face.

She blinked her hooded eyes a few times before looking up. If Clarke had noticed where her attention was directed to, she wasn't letting on.

"So, this reincarnation thing, how does that work?"

"When I die my spirit chooses the next commander."

_Or at least that's what's_ _ supposed _ _to happen._

"Does everyone undergo reincarnation or just the commander?"

"Everyone...but the others are not aware of a change."

Clarke looked like she bit back a snark comment. "But you were?"

Lexa nodded.

"So what makes _your_ spirit, the commanders spirit, so special? Why were you aware when no one else was?"

"Most of them are babes," she replied with a smirk. Clarke rolled her eyes. Lexa became more serious. "The commanders spirit is more vital, stronger than the others. Only a babe, or simpleton would not be aware of the change. And our spirits are too wise to choose such a person."

Again, her companion was contemplative, this time much more briefly.

She caught Lexa's eye. "Do you think you can remember this time loop because of your spirit?"

"It never occurred to me before, but yes, I believe you must be correct, Clarke."

"Great. Now we just need to figure out how to put an end to this day."

Just then there was a rap on the tin door. "Heda?" called Wes. "May I come in?"

"Yes."

Wes pushed the door open and came over to her side. He glanced at Clarke and Lexa said, "Speak."

"The other clan leaders are wondering when we will reconvene our discussions. Quint especially."

Lexa and Clarke shared a look. "Now. We will reconvene now. Make it be known."

Once he was gone, "What are you going to do about Quint?"

"Nothing," said Lexa. Slyly, "I'm sure you can handle yourself better than you did with the pauna."

Clarke scowled at her and then they left together, Lexa far from enthused about standing through this fruitless meeting for the third time.

As the discussions progressed however, Clarke became more and more antagonistic to Quint, to the point where they were nearly butting heads. It was even more volatile than previous encounters. Byrne was dead so no sky person was there to break it up. After Clarke being so flustering, Lexa didn't feel like intervening either. She watched with a mixture of amusement and anticipation of what was to come.

"Have I done something to offend you?!"

"You burned my brother alive!" roared Quint, pounding the table.

"He shouldn't have attacked _my_ ship!" shouted Clarke, head to head with the menacing looking warrior. "He shouldn't have let a _girl_ beat him! He shouldn't have been so _weak_!"

"You dare to mock him?!" snarled Quint, grabbing her tightly by the arms, making her wince. "I will see you suffer as he did!"

"Em pleni!" ordered Lexa. Quint looked at her wide eyed, realizing too late his mistake. She cocked her head to Wes and two other leaders. "Sis em op."

Quint looked like he might fight them but then the moment passed and they led the man out of the conference, to be chained up in the same room Marcus and Jaha had been kept in while she pretended to be a slave. With any luck he would be out of the way for the rest of day without having to have a standoff with Harmin again.

Once the meeting was concluded, Lexa was more or less free to do as she desired. And she desired to get out of this time loop. So she got to talking with Clarke again, this time enjoying the view overlooking a pristine lake. They were semi reclining on a flat, warm rock. A multitude of birds were chattering nearby. All and all it was peaceful. For the first time in days, Lexa was content.

Clarke made her figuratively relive all the days for her, ever expectant to find a clue as to what to do. After hours of discussion, they were no closer to figuring this dilemma out than when they started. Lexa was beginning to wonder if she would ever locate the solution; assuming there even _was_ one. If she could stay with Clarke like this forever, she almost wouldn't have cared.

Clarke bit her lip and Lexa couldn't help but stare. "Okay well, I don't know what to say, Lexa. I don't know how to help you. I guess you'll just need to try doing something different every day and hope for the best."

"You _can_ help me, Clarke, by providing aid in my future endeavours. In which case I need you to believe me right away and not go running off into the woods." Lexa's eyes sparkled. "I'd rather not deal with another pauna if I don't have to."

"I said I was sorry," she murmured adorably.

Lexa looked at her pointedly. "What can you share with me about yourself that will guarantee this?"

"I don't know..."

"Think, Clarke, there must be something close to your heart that will leave no question in your mind."

As she gave Clarke time to think, she looked out over the lake, watching as the occasional ripple broke the surface. The idea of fish made her realize that she hadn't eaten anything today and was pretty hungry. She glanced back to Clarke, enjoying the look of intense concentration on her face.

The girls features softened as she caught Lexa's eye. "Okay, I think I've got it." Lexa looked down, indicating that she should continue. "Here's looking at you, kid." Lexa blinked in confusion. "It's something my father used to say to me all the time."

"What is a 'kid'?"

"Technically a child, but in this case it refers to a woman. It's a term of endearment."

Beyond the obvious, that someone was looking at a woman, she still didn't understand what it was supposed to mean but didn't want to appear more clueless to Clarke than she already did and simply nodded.

"We should probably head back," she said, pushing herself to her feet. "Your people will wonder where you've gotten off to."

On their way to Tondc, with Wes in the lead, Lexa said, "Forgive me for this morning, Clarke. I'm sorry for making you so uncomfortable."

Clarke looked at her and gave her a small smile. "It's okay, Lexa. I get that you're going through a lot and it's making you a little crazy. I probably would've already streaked through the village just for the hell of it."

"Streaked?"

"It means running completely naked."

The thought of Clarke naked _and_ running made Lexa stumble on the root ahead of her. She just barely maintained her balance and tried to continue on in a dignified manner, hoping Clarke hadn't noticed her mishap. Once again, if she had, she wasn't letting on.


	6. Day 5

When Lexa briefly explained the situation, Clarke simply stood there in disbelief and confusion. When Clarke heard her fathers words spoken to her, she reacted as she always did and tried to flee. This time Lexa was prepared for such a thing and grabbed hold of the girls arm before she could reach the door.

"Let me go, Lexa!" she demanded. "You can't keep me here! I'm not your prisoner!"

"Calm yourself, Clarke," said Lexa softly, increasing her grip ever so slightly.

"Calm myself!? You just said something I never thought I'd hear again, that wasn't meant to be spoken by anyone but my dad! Now let me go!"

Tears threatened to break free. Clarke defiantly kept them at bay.

"Listen very carefully to me, Clarke," said Lexa as if she were talking to a child, "if I do as you wish, you will run off into the forest and either be attacked by Quint, a pauna, or both. Unless I pursue you, you will die in every scenario." She looked into the girls watery eyes. "Do you want to die, Clarke?"

"Of course not," she replied, calming down a bit.

"If I release you, will you leave? Or will you help me with my plan for the day?"

Several seconds later and then a small nod. "What were you thinking?"

Lexa let her go. "At least one person has died every day. I aim to prevent any casualties."

"Let me guess," Clarke said wryly, "easier said than done?"

"We will soon see. Now come, we have a meeting to attend."

Though it was tedious and aggravating, Lexa took Clarke's advice and kept everyone in there until they had come to a consensus as to what was to be done about the Maunon. Predictably, Quint was the main hold out to coming to terms, for which Lexa was grateful. This conference burned through most of the day and many were on edge by the time they were allowed to leave the bunker.

Pleased with how this day had gone, Lexa ordered a nice meal to be prepared for everyone. They sat around a medium sized fire, Clarke directly across from her, face periodically distorted by the flames. All of the leaders ate their food in relative silence, throats sore from hours upon hours of argument. Towards the end of their supper, some Trikru wine was passed around, each leader taking a swig from the bottle. It was yet another means to solidify their alliance, a method interrupted the day Gustus betrayed her. When it got to Clarke, she shrugged and took a sip.

Lexa was amused by her sour expression. Their wine was notoriously bitter. For this reason, ale was the predominant alcohol of choice. Her amusement was short lived. When the wine got to Quint, he refused to partake, glaring at Clarke all the while.

"You _will_ drink, Quint," said Lexa, eyes narrowed and menacing, "or I will have your head."

As much as she wouldn't mind killing him yet again, it was counterproductive to her goals. Thankfully Quint simply grunted and did as he was told.

She dismissed the leaders shortly after, until only Clarke remained.

"Allow me to thank you for your assistance today, Clarke." She half smirked. "Your obstinacy has proven to be a most effective tool."

Clarke scowled, but Lexa thought, not in earnest. It was difficult to tell in the darkness and through the flickering flames.

"So do you think your plan has worked?"

"I will only know come morning. Speaking of, it is late. You should rest."

"I am pretty tired," she consented.

Taking no chances, Lexa escorted her to the edge of Tondc's eastern border, where Clarke's plastic tent resided, a parting gift from her people. They said goodnight, but Lexa did not go back to the village. Instead she climbed up a nearby tree in order to keep watch for Quint. She had a feeling he might attempt something foolhardy as he was wont to do.

Granted, Clarke had two guards, Byrne and a black man she hadn't learned the name of yet, but the man would soon be asleep and Byrne was far from alert after a long day of guard duty. She could have simply ordered one of her own to make sure nothing foul befell the blonde, but she didn't trust anyone but herself in this regard. Lexa wanted to assure her plan concluded without a hitch.

Hours passed uneventfully, Byrne now sleeping, Lexa also beginning to feel the tug of exhaustion, and then, there was movement between the buildings, amongst the shadows. Snapping to attention, Lexa watched as the figure made its way to the sky girl's camp. She silently and expertly descended her scouting post and crept after the figure in question. When it was almost to the camp she kicked their legs out from under them, eliciting a startled noise, and flipped them around, dagger in hand.

Before she could threaten the person, she realized it was not Quint, but another Trikru altogether, who was roughly the same size as him. "What are you doing out here?"

"I was just going to relieve myself," he said, eyeing the still raised dagger apprehensively.

At first she had thought perhaps Quint had sent this man as a distraction for Clarke's guards. Now she believed him to be telling the truth. She released his shirt collar and sent him on his way.

Lexa was very tired, and wanted nothing more than to rest. She leaned her head against the tree she had previously climbed up, continuing to keep an eye on Clarke's tent.

Gun shots roused her when she was on the verge of falling asleep. She ran over to the disturbance, cursing herself for her weakness. What she found was the guards and Clarke standing over a now deceased Quint. Clarke's pistol was the only one of the bunch that was smoking. There were two holes in the tent fabric where she had shot him through, before he had even gotten inside. She looked to Clarke, happy that she was unscathed.

"You were waiting for him."

"Same as you," said Clarke with a knowing look.

Lexa was mildly embarrassed to be called out like that in front of others. She gestured for Clarke to follow her a ways from them and the body.

"I'm sorry, Lexa, I ruined your plan." The girl glanced away, "I didn't mean to kill him. Just frighten him off."

"Are you okay, Clarke?" she asked, noticing her tight grip on the pistol.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little shaken."

Clarke was looking back at the body, obviously not going to get any rest this night, so Lexa said, "Would you like something to drink, Clarke? It will help calm your nerves."

Clarke nodded and allowed Lexa to pry the gun from her hand.

In the house she scanned for something to offer her guest and finally located another bottle of wine. Clarke didn't protest her selection and gladly drank the hearty serving from the cup. She asked for more and Lexa gave it without question.

"So does Quint come after me every day?"

"Given half a chance, yes."

"I guess if you want your plan to work out, you'll need to keep him restrained somehow."

Thinking of the previous day, "Yes, I suppose I will."

They sat in silence for a time, only the occasional slurp between them.

"Thanks for the drink, Lexa," she said, getting up to leave, legs somewhat wobbly. "And for watching my back."

"You can stay here if you would like, Clarke. Get some rest."

Clarke observed her for a moment. "I don't want to kick you out of your bed."

"You won't be. I will not be sleeping tonight. I'm curious to know what will happen if I stay awake until the moment I normally rise."

"Well in that case, okay then. I'll stay."

Lexa dipped her head in acknowledgement and watched as Clarke plopped onto her bed. Many a time she had fantasized about this. Now with Clarke snoring loudly, the illusion was fairly well shattered. On the positive side, the noise helped to keep her awake for the remaining hours to her. Otherwise, the rise and fall of Clarke's chest might have lulled her to sleep.

The sun came up and Clarke was still snoring away. As the moment of her awakening drew near, she allowed herself to hope that perhaps she had succeeded in breaking this curse after all. In the blink of an eye however, she found herself back in bed, dressed in her sleeping attire, feeling well rested. Clarke was nowhere to be found. Lexa sighed and pushed herself up. It was time to try once more.


	7. Day 11

After finally managing to prevent any deaths, the day still repeated. Disheartened by this and unsure of her next step, she asked Clarke to join her for a ride out of Tondc. Knowing what she did now, Clarke agreed to such a scheme.

To the consternation of her people, specifically the clan leaders, they set off early that morning, with supplies enough for the whole day. Lexa ordered Wes to stay, as did Clarke to Byrne. The only person's presence she could tolerate right now was Clarkes'.

Clarke didn't bother asking where they going. Even if she had, it would have been fruitless because Lexa herself didn't know the answer. Therefore, their journey was mostly in silence, for which Lexa was grateful. She had been in too many heated conferences the past week, and this blessed quiet was a welcome relief. She delighted in the simplicity of nature and all of the curious sounds it had to offer. Briefly she closed her eyes and allowed them to envelope her senses, focusing on this one and that only long enough to determine its author before moving on to the next. Beyond being a useful tool for a warrior and hunter to possess, it was her primary way of relaxing when the strains of her position became too much. Lexa had never taken off like this, abandoning her people, leaving even her guard behind. Far from upsetting, she found it liberating. The freedom to do what she wanted, when she wanted, had never been a luxury endowed to her. At least, not for a very long time, before she started her warrior training, before she was chosen by a higher power.

They meandered along the reasonably well kept path leading away from Camp Jaha for hours, never going faster than a trot. Clarke had only just learned how to ride the previous day, (well, the day after Gustus' demise anyway) and Lexa didn't want to risk injuring her...or worse.

As if reading her thoughts, "Go for it, Lexa. Blow off some steam."

Lexa just stared at her.

"If you want to go faster, go faster. Don't let me stop you."

She nodded and whipped her horse into a gallop within seconds. She charged down the path like the pauna was after her, like she was recklessly going into battle without a plan of action. A few minutes of this was enough to sate her listlessness, and she prepared to slow and head back to Clarke. However, as she did so, she heard the thundering of hoofs behind her, followed by Clarke racing passed, a smirk on her lips.

"Clarke!"

Quickly Lexa got her own horse going again and chased after the idiot girl to stop her before she broke her neck. Her fears seemed to be for nought. Clarke had complete control over the beast, intuitively manoeuvring this way and that around the various footfalls that would send her flying. It was as if she were born to it and Lexa's admiration for the girl grew further still. In fact, Lexa was so busy stealing glances of her remarkable companion as she majestically rode along beside her,* that she just barely had time to veer off from a fatal collision with a tree. Flustered by her mistake, she kept her eyes on the road from there on out, ever cognisant of the amused glimmer in Clarke's eyes, as if she knew how easy it was to make Lexa lose focus.

It had been the same way with Costia. The thought caused a tightness in her chest, one that she forced down as soon as possible. Today was not about reminiscing on the past. Today was about simply enjoying the present, however irritating it may be.

When the horses needed a break, they got off to lead them slowly to the nearest clearing where they could graze. Lexa was hyper aware of the fact that Clarke kept clutching at her inner thighs. Clarke caught her staring and Lexa hastily glanced away.

"How long does it take before the chaffing ends?"

"That is dependant on how often you ride, and for how long when you do. I remember my own discomfort as a child. It was very unpleasant. Eventually you will develop a thicker skin and it will not bother you so much."

"Well, until then, do you have anything I could use to cool this fire?"

To prevent herself from offering to apply a salve to her thighs, Lexa practically bit clean through her tongue.

"Not with me, Clarke," she said, tasting blood, "no."

"Where's this clearing anyway?" Clarke grumbled. "I need to sit down."

"Not far. It's just up ahead."

Once they were in the field, Lexa retrieved one of their bags, the one full of food, and gestured for Clarke to join her a short ways from the grazing horses. With some difficulty, Clarke managed to squat and sink into the soft mid calf high grass.

She sighed. "Much better."

Lexa took out the food and drink and handed some to Clarke. They partook of this serenely, Lexa vaguely wondering how many times they had shared a meal that Clarke couldn't remember. This depressed her.

"You'll figure it out eventually," said Clarke, after taking a sip of water. "I'm sure of it."

"How can you be so certain?"

"Because I _know_ you," Clarke said, looking at her keenly. "You won't give up until you do."

The way Clarke was staring at her now made Lexa gulp and break eye contact. "I'm afraid you have more faith in me than I have in myself."

Clarke nudged her arm. "Chin up, soldier."

Lexa shook her head, smiling slightly. "You sky people have the most unusual sayings."

"That's nothing," Clarke said. "'I know it seems like you're a fish out of water, beating a dead horse, Lexa," - she blanched at the confusing and barbaric imagery – "or that you're stuck between a rock and hard place," - past experience told her this was very unpleasant, "taking shots in the dark, but maybe you've been barking up the wrong tree," - barking? - "and you need to go back to square one and try to ring some bells and find what's been right under your nose all along." Clarke grinned. "Piece of cake, right?"

Lexa looked at her blankly, somewhat concerned for Clarke's sanity. Apparently her expression greatly amused Clarke for she let out a short laugh. It was fleeting, and Lexa made sure to hold onto the sound for as long as she lived, and to bring it, and Clarke's laughing features, to her minds eye when she needed it most.

"But seriously, when you want to talk about it again, I'm here for you."

Lexa's throat had constricted so she simply gave a curt nod.

"For now, just relax. Recharge your batteries."

Clarke glanced up at the partially cloudy sky and then lay down on her back, hands behind her head, continuing to admire it.

"Come on, Lexa, join me."

She hadn't done something like this since she was a child. It was strange to be doing it again with the girl she had rapidly developed feelings for, feelings that could never be reciprocated, that she wouldn't let be reciprocated, that this time loop wouldn't allow even if she did.

Still she joined Clarke, laying close enough that she could reach out and touch her if she dared. She didn't of course.

They remained like this for a time. Her eyelids grew heavy. When she opened them again, Clarke was no longer in sight. Lexa panicked and hopped up, only to find Clarke over by the horses, stroking their manes.

"How long was I asleep for?" she asked as she approached, hopeful Clarke hadn't noticed her behaviour.

"I'd guess about an hour." Clarke patted Lexa's horse. "These gals are well rested now. And my legs feel a lot better. We can keep going if you'd like."

"I would."

She wanted to see if perhaps there was a physical limit to how far this time loop could occur. If she got far enough away from Tondc before the 'reset', would she remain unaffected? Would she break the curse?

Granted, she didn't think it likely, but she had to try all the same.

Horse bound for another few hours was all Clarke could take. It was just as well. The sky was beginning to darken and Lexa wanted to set up camp before then. With the fading light, came a bit of a chill, so she decided to put the tent up for Clarke.

While she busied herself with that task, Clarke said, "I'll go get some wood."

"All right." She thought about it a bit more. "Be careful, Clarke."

Clarke patted the grip of the gun poking through her pants and stepped into the trees surrounding them.

Concerned about Clarke's well being, it took longer than it should have to complete her self assigned task. (It didn't help matters that she rarely had to do this for herself anymore and had somewhat forgotten how; there were a lot of parts to tie down).

Again, she had worried for nothing. Clarke came back bundled with plenty of branches for the coming night. She dropped them in a good spot and set to starting the flame with the tools Lexa had brought.

Starting a fire with a flintstone and a striker was relatively easy, so she was unsurprised when Clarke succeeded in her goal. The night they escaped the pauna's den however, she had been absolutely hopeless with the stick rubbing method, claiming not to have the patience for such a thing, nearly throwing a tantrum. But it was cold and Lexa had been unable to make it herself, so Clarke had persevered until she finally got it to smoke. The look of joy on her face had been breathtaking. And it was in that moment that Lexa had acknowledged to herself that she did indeed have feelings for Clarke, and that she had to keep them in check from there on out or risk exposing both of them to danger.

They sat around the small, yet merry fire, sitting across from one another like one of the days before. Lexa allowed herself to be transfixed by the flickering flame and for a time her mind was quiet. Clarke called her back to reality.

"Do you know what Hell is, Lexa? As in Heaven and Hell?"

"I have heard tell of such things...from captured Ice Nation warriors. The King and Queen believe themselves God fearing Christians. We are savages in their eyes for not following their chosen path. This difference of belief is the basis for most of our strife. Why did you ask this?"

"Never mind," she said, poking at the fire.

" _Clarke_."

"Okay, well, let me just preface this with, I'm not saying your belief in reincarnation is wrong, or that I agree with the Ice Nation...I'm just trying to give you another point of view." Lexa nodded stiffly, not liking where this conversation was headed. "Well, Catholicism, which was...and maybe still is, a branch of Christianity, believed in a third category. Purgatory."

"Purgatory?"

"A place between Heaven and Hell. A person was stuck there until they achieved a certain level of purification."

After a beat, "Are you implying that I am currently in purgatory, Clarke?"

_Because if you are, then you are most certainly implying my belief system to be wrong, no matter your protests to the contrary._

She was quiet for a bit before responding. "Are you sure you didn't die when the pauna attacked us in the cage?" Clarke looked at her. "Can you say for certain?"

Through clenched teeth, "Yes."

_Because if I died, then so did you, and I could not bear that._

The next thing she said was the most chilling of all. "If your body was never found and burned, what happens to your spirit?"

Ignoring the cold sweat that threatened to break loose, Lexa swallowed hard before saying, "It would be trapped in my body, unable to find its next host."

"Kind of like purgatory."

Clarke let that terrifying prospect soak in while she poked at the fire some more. They sat in strained silence for what seemed like ages. Certainly some time had passed because the fire had mostly died down once she next spoke.

"Let's say for a moment that you are right," said Lexa haltingly. They shared a look. "What does that make you then? You are real, are you not?"

"I feel real enough...but that doesn't mean I am." Clarke shrugged. "Real is just a matter of perception."

"If you aren't really here," she said with a pang in her heart, "then how could I possibly know all of those confusing expressions?"

"Maybe...maybe we're both stuck in," she gestured around vaguely, "whatever this is together? Maybe we both died when the pauna attacked?"

"No," Lexa said, shaking her head with finality. "No, Clarke, what you speak of is nonsense. I refuse to believe it."

"You're right of course. That would be ridiculous." She caught Lexa's eye. "Almost as ridiculous as a time loop."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *In case it's not obvious, I'm kinda making fun of the fact that Clarke could gallop to Tondc for hours after what could only have amounted to a few days of riding lessons. Then again, Octavia went from 'follow the butterflies' to 'imma cut you up like a badass motherf**ker' in like a week. And yes, I know that's an exaggeration...but not much of one. :p


	8. Days 12 and 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, angst, angst.

Despite her best efforts, Lexa took Clarke's words to heart. They flowed in through every facet of her being, confusing and maddening her. If she were dead, if they _both_ were; if their bodies were never to be found and their spirits never to be released, then what was she meant to do here in this never ending nightmare _but_ go insane? It was the only logical conclusion she could draw. How else was she expected to cope with an eternity of this incomprehensible place?

Thinking it were somehow possible to confirm whether she lived or not, she ran into the forest the next day towards the pauna's den, Wes not far behind. When the pauna inevitably came after her, she sacrificed Wes in order to dodge past it and gain access to its cage. In her crazed state of mind, she expected to find her body (and Clarkes' ) still there. They weren't of course. She didn't dwell on this discovery for very long before the beast attacked and reset the day.

Her nervous energy kept her confined to her house for the entirety of the morning, pacing to and fro in her sleeping garments. She refused admittance to everyone, even Clarke, _especially_ Clarke. But Clarke being Clarke, she shoved past Wes and busted into the room at gunpoint.

"What the hell is going on, Lexa?! What are you _doing_?!" she yelled, gesturing to her lack of proper attire. "We have a war to plan!"

"Go away, Clarke! I do not wish to see you!"

Wes was ready to throw a dagger in Clarke's back and Lexa almost wanted to let him. Instead she gave him a look that said not to interfere and he stood watch in trepidation as the animated sky girl advanced on his commander, gun still in hand.

"I don't understand...what's happened to you?! Why are you so-"

"I said," she disarmed Clarke easily, pointing the deadly weapon at her instead, "go away!"

Defiantly Clarke stood her ground. "You won't shoot me. You need me."

Those three words triggered a memory from what seemed another lifetime ago. Perhaps it was. So it was that she barely knew what she was doing when she dropped the gun, grabbed Clarke and crushed their lips together.

Clarke was so stunned by this change in attitude that she didn't respond for the first second. In the next, she was shoving Lexa off of her with surprising strength, looking at her the way she felt, which is to say, insanely.

"You've got a sick sense of humour!" Clarke shouted. She poked Lexa in the chest, _hard_ , and kept on pushing her towards the table. "I just killed Finn _three_ days ago! Because _you_ forced me too! You're the _last_ person I would _ever_ want to kiss! Don't _ever_ try something like that again or I'll-"

"You'll what, Clarke," she shot back venomously, as her heart shattered, "kill me?"

Clarke glared at her with extreme loathing before storming out of the house, forgetting even to take her gun with her. Lexa didn't notice, her mind far too turbulent for such trivialities. She rounded on Wes, snapping at him to leave, which he promptly did. The moment the door closed she gave into her weakness, threw herself on her bed and sobbed for hours, muffling the sound into her pillow so no one would ever know. She had done the same when she learned of Costia's butchering and death, vowing to never again allow herself to care for another. Apparently her word meant nothing.

After she cried her heart out she felt slightly less wretched, but far from cheerful.

That's when she saw the gun on the floor.

There was a simple way to end this day. She was tempted to take it, _very_ tempted, but ultimately decided against killing herself. Sure the day would reset, but she would still be just as tormented as she was now. For the first time she wished she couldn't remember the repeating days. To be unaware like everyone else would be utter bliss.

So thinking, she left the house in search of libation, and was confused why everyone was staring at her open mouthed. A breeze blew by and she realized she was still in her sleeping attire. Lexa did not desire to go back so she simply ordered the nearest woman to give her her cloak and boots. This she did without question.

Warmer now, but wanting to be mentally numb, Lexa marched over to the ale supply and filled up a tankard from the barrel. In a few hearty gulps she polished it off, poured herself another and plopped down on the dirt. Some of her people watched from afar, clearly concerned, but clearly afraid to bother her, for which she was grateful. Once or twice she thought she saw Clarke out of the corner of her eye. The memory of the hatred in such beautiful eyes, hatred directed towards her, made her heart lurch painfully and drove her to consume much more than she was accustomed to, which wasn't very much.

As her stomach grew warmer and the world grew hazier, her despairing mind finally started to quiet and she almost felt content. Very sleepy now, she lay on the ground, curled up into a ball and knew no more.

When she came to many hours later, she was in her bed and assumed she had slept so long that the day had begun anew. Then when her insides squirmed and her skull hammered, she understood that it was the same day, only nighttime. She rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but her bladder insisted otherwise and she staggered out into the chill evening, clutching the borrowed cloak tighter around her shoulders, and went to relieve herself.

Task clumsily accomplished, she headed back to the house to lose herself once more in the lovely embrace of dreamless sleep. Before she got there however, she was interceded by the one person she couldn't stand to be around, couldn't risk looking in the eye for fear of seeing the utter loathing, destroying her spirit all over.

Eyes downcast, Lexa tried to move past her and bar the door and never come out again.

"Lexa, wait," said Clarke, grabbing hold of her arm.

The contact nearly made her whimper. Out of fight, she stayed put.

Clarke let her go. Lexa stared at the girls dusty boots. "Look, you caught me off guard before. You ki...doing what you did...that's the last thing I was expecting would ever happen between us. I probably overreacted a bit."

Lexa nodded timidly, attempting to swallow through the lump in her throat. "I shouldn't have done that," she responded in a childlike voice. "Forgive me."

"I might have given the impression that I hate you. The truth is, I don't know what to feel. At least not yet. It's just too soon after...after everything."

Curious, Lexa lifted her eyes up to meet Clarkes'. There was no trace of that callous look there and the relief almost brought tears forth. She squashed this, and stood up straighter, more like the commander, and less like a little lost girl.

"I understand, Clarke."

A bit of a strained silence.

"Okay, well, I guess this is goodnight." Clarke touched her arm and faintly smiled. "Feel better, Lexa."

Clarke turned to leave but Lexa grabbed her forearm, suddenly remembering something important. "Be wary of Quint. He will try to harm you tonight. Wait here." Lexa ducked into the house and handed the gun back, enclosing Clarke's soft skin in her own. "Be careful, she reiterated.

The confused girl nodded and then left Lexa to contemplate the fact that Clarke did not necessarily hate her and that the girl might actually feel something for her one day.

Or this was simply Clarke's way of mending their rift for the sake of the alliance and her people. Lexa wouldn't put Clarke above such a tactic, no matter how much she wanted to. In her still fragile state of mind, she would not blindly believe her feelings might be reciprocated, rather she would 'roll with the punches' as Clarke would say, and see what tomorrow brought.

The one glimmer in this otherwise horrid day; she was certain she was not dead.

The hunger had returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chin up, soldier!


	9. Days 17-33

It was several days later before she felt like bringing Clarke back into the loop. Lexa had needed the reprieve to further mend her heart and mind. In the interim, she had mindlessly gone through the motions, allowing events to play out as they had done that first day. The pauna barely frightened her at all by this point and she now knew the most effective way to subdue and potentially kill it. This may or may not have been a good thing, for assuming she did manage to break this curse, she would probably be overly confident against the next one she encountered. And as anyone with any sense knew, (or had dealt with Clarke) underestimation was the bringer of self destruction.

"Here's looking at you, kid," said Lexa to Clarke that morning after dressing.

Deftly, she dealt with the inevitable 'freak out' and proceeded to 'fill in the blanks.' If nothing else, this time loop was teaching her a variety of whimsical, though often apt, expressions. She particularly liked, 'fight fire with fire'. It was of a similar nature to her own peoples' war cry.

Once Clarke mulled that all over she said, "So what do you want to do today, Lexa?"

"I would like you to teach me how to use your gun." Clarke's eyes widened. "I would offer you in kind with a weapon of your choice," Lexa smirked slightly to hide the pain, "but there seems little point."

Clarke gave her a compassionate look in understanding. "I thought your people were forbidden from touching our weapons, let alone firing them?"

"In the past that may have been true..." she shrugged.

"But now you don't really care. And you're curious."

She tilted her head in acknowledgement.

While Clarke set up the target practice some distance from Tondc, Lexa put on war paint for the first time since entering this place. As she observed herself in the mirror shard she found lying around in the house, she immediately felt more powerful and like she had a sense of purpose, rather than aimlessly doing whatever she could think of to fill the days and occupy her mind.

With that accomplished, she checked on Clarke's progress and found that the girl had been patiently waiting for Lexa to finish. The targets were bits of wood on tree stumps at increasingly distant ranges. She could barely make out the last one on the horizon of this old wood harvesting field.

"Okay, so I'm no expert at this, I only learned after coming to Earth, but anyway, I've found that there's really not much to it. You basically just point and shoot. Oh, but you have to make sure you take off the safety first or nothing will happen."

"Safety?"

Clarke held the gun sideways and pointed to a little button. "You push this one so that you can fire by pulling the trigger." She twitched her finger against the protruding metal piece. Then she pointed to another button just off to the side of the first one. "This one makes the clip eject." Clarke demonstrated, catching it quickly before it fell to the ground. She held this object horizontally. "These are the bullets. They're spring loaded in the clip. Every time you pull the trigger, the next one automatically gets pushed upwards until you're out." She inserted the clip back into the gun until it clicked. "There's only maybe seven rounds...bullets in here, I don't remember...and I snuck another clip from the supplies, but altogether there's still not many bullets to practice with, so take your time aiming." She turned to the nearest target. "There's a tiny bit of recoil, so be prepared for that." Clarke fired at the target once, her hand shuddering ever so slightly backward. The deafening noise sent the broken piece of wood flying. Clarke collected another as replacement and handed the gun over to Lexa.

As if using her sword, she took a wider stance than Clarke, levelled the barrel at the wood and fired. The shot went completely wide and missed the mark altogether, causing a slight explosion of dirt instead.

"That was good," said Clarke patronizingly. "Try again."

Lexa did, over and over until the clip was finished. On the last shot she finally managed to chip the wood. It didn't even fall over. To make matters worse _,_ her ears were ringing horribly and she felt on the verge of a headache. Lexa tightened her grip on the boisterous weapon, resisting the urge to toss it at the wood, at least that way she would probably hit it.

She didn't understand why she was so incompetent at this activity. She had trained almost her whole life with various different weapons, had keen eyesight, could reliably hit small moving targets with her dagger, was considered by many to be exceptionally skilled...so why on earth couldn't she hit a stupid piece of wood ten feet in front of her?

"This instrument is defective," she glowered at it as if it had done her a grievous wrong.

She looked to Clarke who was clearly trying her best not to appear amused.

"I think maybe you're trying _too_ hard. Just relax. Take a deep breath and _then_ fire."

Clarke tossed her the next clip. Lexa ejected the empty one and loaded the new one in, or tried to; the stupid thing wouldn't go in all the way and click like it had done for Clarke.

"The bullet points need to be facing the barrel."

Embarrassed, Lexa turned the clip around and shoved it in without once looking at her mentor, feeling as dumb as she had when she was seven and Anya had begun her bow and arrow training, and Lexa had held the bow the wrong way and consequently notched the arrow tip pointing towards her own head...

Determined to do better this time, she did as Clarke said and was certain to hit the target. She pressed the trigger and nothing happened.

"Every time you reload, the safety resets. Sorry. Forgot to mention that."

Lexa clamped her teeth together, pressed the button and the clip fell out and bounced off her boot. She hastily retrieved it, made sure it was facing the right way and stuck it in again. She pressed the _other_ button, and the clip stayed put.

Once more she followed Clarke's advice, doing her best to relax. This was easier said than done now that she had made an utter fool of herself in front of the girl she probably loved, or was very close to loving.

Somehow she willed her emotions to comply so that the next shot hit the damn piece of wood.

Clarke clapped condescendingly. "Nice one!"

Lexa took aim at the next target, a little further out. Three shots later and she hit that one too.

Clarke clapped even more condescendingly. "Looks like you're getting the hang of it."

After the remaining bullets were expended, she still hadn't managed to hit the third target, barely twenty feet away...and unmoving. For such a disgraceful display, Anya would have disowned her as her second had she been here.

Lexa calmed herself and waited for the ringing to stop again before turning to face Clarke. The girl looked like she wanted to make all manner of snide comments but refrained, and instead smiled patronizingly and patted Lexa on the shoulder in the most condescending way yet.

"So I could try to steal another clip of ammunition from Byrne's stash, but I'm getting the strong feeling you don't want to do this anymore."

Rather than respond, or throttle the girl, Lexa stalked off without her.

The next day, Lexa made the same request and they went off to shoot the same pieces of wood in the same place. Since she didn't make all of the same embarrassing mistakes as the first time, she managed to do better on this second attempt. Still, she was far from accomplished and it bothered her to no end that Clarke _was_ without any effort.

They kept going out there every day until Lexa was just as proficient as she was with her dagger, maybe even more so.

In rapid succession, and with pinpoint accuracy, she obliterated all of the targets, even the farthest one away that she could barely see.

"Wow!" exclaimed Clarke in disbelief. "That was amazing, Lexa! I can't believe how fast you picked up on this!"

Lexa just smiled slyly, inordinately pleased with herself for impressing her teacher to such an extent.

That is until Clarke became suspicious.

"You know, you were almost _too_ good. We haven't done this _before_ , have we?"

"I'm a highly trained warrior, Clarke," she replied breezily. "And according to you, there's nothing to it," she added condescendingly.

Clarke made a face but didn't question her word and they headed back to Tondc, Lexa already dreaming up their next activity together.


	10. Days 34-292

For the next few months Lexa learned how to draw and paint. Her training and lifestyle had always precluded any possibility of this endeavour. Clarke showed her the basics with the limited supplies they managed to scrounge up in Tondc. Wanting to progress past the rudimentary sketches, she began ordering some of her people to find the materials necessary to make pigments out of, as per Clarke's instruction. Oddly this was the activity she took to with the most ease, and she found herself getting lost in her artwork day in and day out, semi conscious of the fact that Clarke was right there beside her, creating the same breathtaking view of what the Earth looked like from the sky, followed by flowing rivers and trees, flowers, horses and whatever other wildlife she had come in contact with so far. It was a great joy to be the cause of Clarke's enrapture, even if it wasn't in the way she would have preferred.

Every morning the canvas was blank and she could craft something new and wonderful. At first she didn't mind that none of her artwork was surviving the day, never to be looked upon again. After awhile this dilemma became irritating and she began to lose interest. But before she quit altogether, and while her skill was as good as it was ever going to get, she took the opportunity to paint Clarke's lovely face. She had stared at the girl at length over the course of their acquaintance and knew every tiny, yet defining feature by heart. So it was that she didn't even need to look at Clarke while she attempted to capture her strength, passion and beauty in a single image. This was an almost impossible task. Needless to say her first attempts were not worthy of the sky girl. It was nearly a week later before she crafted something that was.

As she was busy admiring her handiwork, the subject in question snuck up on her to see what she was so hypnotized by.

"What have you got there, Lexa?"

Snapping to reality, she tried to cover it up with outstretched arms. It was too late, the damage had already been done. Sighing, she stood off to the side at Clarke's insistence.

The sky girl scrutinized her likeness for what seemed like an eternity. Finally she turned to Lexa and said, "This is good. Like really good." Lexa flashed her a genuine smile, something that Clarke was mildly taken aback by. "Is this what I look like to you?"

Her heart hammered as she boldly said, "Yes, you are everything I depicted there...and more."

_So much more._

Softly, "Do you like me, Lexa?"

She swallowed. "I care for you, Clarke. I've cared for you for a long time."

Clarke glanced away during the ensuing awkward silence. "This must be really hard for you." Then to Lexa's surprise and utter devastation, "I wish I could reciprocate the feeling...but I just can't. I haven't had enough-"

"Time." The word came out leaden and dead, like it were physically a stone dragging her down. In many ways it was. "Yes, I know."

They stared at one another for awhile, Lexa willing herself to keep her emotions in check.

Clarke took a step closer. "Maybe we...never mind, it's a stupid idea."

"Tell me your idea, Clarke," she gently urged. "Woods Gods know I am all out of them."

_And they have not heeded my prayers._

"Well, I was just thinking...you can hug me if you'd like...if you think that will help you at all."

Lexa had struggled not to touch Clarke every day of this hell. To suddenly be given consent was overwhelming and she had to take a few moments to catch her breath before moving closer to the object of her undying affection.

"Thank you," she murmured as she encircled the girls waist and pulled her close. Being this close to Clarke, feeling her form lightly pressed against her own was difficult to handle. Regardless, she savoured the moment, breathing in her intoxicating scent, becoming light headed and dizzy in the process, as if she had drunk flagons full of potent wine. Lexa thought she might faint so she held Clarke more tightly for support. Clarke brought her own arms up to hug Lexa back and the commander could have wept, she was so happy for this slight reprieve of her suffering.

When they pulled apart, begrudgingly on her part, Lexa had the strong urge to kiss Clarke, but remembering the disastrous last time, managed to stomp it down. To avoid temptation, she took a few steps back. Clarke observed her pityingly, in a similar fashion to just after killing Gustus.

"I hope that helped."

"It did."

"When you get out of this time loop, and you _will_ , Lexa, maybe we could try that again."

Voice husky with repressed emotions, "I'd like that very much."

* * *

Another five months passed by in which she learned about biological processes, human anatomy, and theoretical healing and surgical techniques. Just as was the case with the target practice, she was slow to learn at first, but steadily gained an aptitude for all of the strange Latin names and confusing metaphors and concepts. Thankfully Clarke had a very good memory and could teach her nearly everything her mother had taught her without the aid of books, and could even draw detailed diagrams to literally further illustrate what she was talking about.

Eventually Lexa wanted to attain some practical knowledge. They started by dissecting small animals, like rabbits and raccoons (for some unknown reason she felt badly about killing this latter creature, as if she had a personal connection to it). While interesting, this didn't quite do it for Lexa, so she set out to get a human corpse to cut up and study. For this purpose Quint was the hapless victim, one of the few people she had no issues with killing whatsoever. time loop or no. She studied his insides for a few days and then decided she wanted to move onto surgery and how to heal the way that the sky people did.

"Quint, come over here!" she ordered for the fourth time. She led him out into the forest, turned around and shot him. The bewildered warrior clutched at his stomach as he fell to the ground. Clarke ran over with the 'med kit' her people had left her and began guiding Lexa through the process of stemming the flow of blood for a 'through and through'. Gut wounds were the most painful but also took the longest to die from, and as such, Lexa had plenty of time to get her hands dirty before he expired. With Clarke's tutelage however, he did not die and Lexa felt a spark of pride at her accomplishment.

Then she shot him in the head.

The next day they covered bullet extraction. They often got stuck in ribs, so Lexa shot Quint in the chest this time, careful not to hit any major organs, at least not directly.

"Heda, why?" he groaned as he fell over.

Lexa knelt beside him on the forest floor and used her dagger to rip through his semi armoured shirt to gain better access to the wound. Clarke handed her the forceps. She placed one hand to hold him down as she dug into his oozing wound with the metal instrument. He thrashed around, whimpering until she had finally managed to retrieve it. The wound bled much more.

"Why is that happening?"

"Why do you think?"

"Besides the bullet nicking an artery, the bone may have shattered, causing a laceration further in the body cavity."

"Good. And what are you going to do about this?"

"If it is an artery, find the source and tie it off. If it is a laceration, remove the bone and pad down with gauze until the blood clots."

Clarke nodded and handed her the scalpel.

Lexa alternated between shooting and stabbing him in various different places over the next month, Clarke ever vigilant and ready to offer a hand if needs be.

After the latest such messy session, while they were sharing a drink, she asked, "Clarke, how did you bring Lincoln back from the dead? What did that glowing stick do?"

Clarke was leaning against the wall of Lexa's house, looking contemplative.

"Clarke?"

"It zapped him with electricity. Jump started his heart."

"Is this electricity similar to the electrical impulses in our bodies?"

"Yeah, it's the same thing. The stun baton synchronized the impulses of Lincoln's heart again so it could contract properly and pump blood and oxygen back to his brain. That's when he regained consciousness," she smirked slightly, "and you decided not to kill us."

Lexa returned the smirk. "I am grateful you did not _make_ me kill you."

Clarke walked over and tapped their glasses together. "Here's to not dying." They took a sip and then she added, "So, I'm curious now...how many times have I died during this time loop?"

"None," said Lexa simply.

Clarke arched both eyebrows. "None? How is that possible? You know so much now. Months must have passed. Are you telling me that Quint, or the pauna, or _whatever_ , didn't manage to get me at least _once_?"

"I did not let them," Lexa said quietly, glancing away.

Clarke took a lengthy sip while she mulled this revelation over. Then she sat down across from Lexa, stared deep into her eyes and said, "Maybe _that's_ why you're stuck."

"I don't understand," Lexa replied, blinking in confusion, expecting another 'heart to heart' conversation and potential embrace, something she had been aching for ever since the last one.

"That first day...remind me for the millionth time what happened."

"Quint tried to kill you and I intervened-"

" _Exactly_."

"Exactly, what?"

Clarke bit her lip and fidgeted with her cup. "You prevented my death. Maybe I was _meant_ to die that day and this whole thing has been the universe's way of making sure that happens."

Just like the purgatory theory, Lexa flat out rejected it as nonsense.

"You have to let me die, Lexa," Clarke said emphatically. Lexa gripped her mug tight. "If I'm wrong, the day will just reset. If I'm right...you'll finally be free and can go save our people."

"And if you're right," she said, letting her commander persona take hold to shield her from emotion, "how will I prevent the destruction of this alliance? How will I keep your people's trust?" She shook her head. "Your reasoning is highly illogical."

"You'll find a way. I have faith in you. You have to let Quint do it. Bring this thing round full circle."

Tight lipped and in denial, "I won't. So please stop suggesting such a thing."

"What do you have to lose?"

_Everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm assuming the Clarke of this story has more medical knowledge than the one in the show.


	11. Chapter 11

The worry gnawed at her stomach, paralysing and crippling her. She couldn't move this morning, she was too anxious about the impossibility of her predicament. A distant voice called for her attention and she wanted to sink into her bed and never surface. At least that way she would be safe from the devastation of losing Clarke.

Lexa couldn't let her die, not after Costia. It would destroy her...but she had to self destruct. For her people. Always for her people. Not for the first time, Lexa wished she had never been chosen as commander.

Somehow she willed herself to rise. Without thought or feeling she left the house to speak with Clarke, for potentially the last time ever. Lexa felt shaky and like she wanted to vomit. Clarke was waiting for her, but Lexa barely saw her through the haze of unshed tears.

The golden haired girl moved closer and said, "What's wrong, Lexa? Are you ill?"

Lexa couldn't bring herself to push coherent words past the bile in her throat.

"You should sit," Clarke said, taking her arm. "You look like you're going to pass out." The girl frowned. "You shouldn't have taken off your sling yet. You don't want to dislocate your shoulder all over again."

It took a while for these words to process through her frazzled brain. Then she grabbed Clarke by the shoulders, ecstatic about the sharp pain that shot through her own shoulder. "What did you say?!"

Clarke gave her a bewildered look. "Are you okay?"

Something foreign gurgled up from her inner depths and she let out a choked giggle. Clarke's confusion made everything impeccably delicious and she held onto the girl as she started to laugh, more of a chuckle at first and then maniacally, like her mother was tickling her all over for misbehaving. The giddiness swept through her body like a dozen galloping horses, and she wasn't sure she would be able to stop, or that she even wanted to. A crowd of her people had formed, watching their commander lose her mind.

Clarke sat Lexa down and placed the back of a hand to her forehead.

"No fever. I thought maybe you were delirious or something."

Suddenly serious again, Lexa grabbed her wrist. "Do you know what this means?! You don't have to die!"

Clarke was very uncomfortable and fidgeted in her iron grasp. "Uh, wasn't planning on it, Lexa. I think two near death experiences in one day is enough for now."

If Lexa's face and stomach hadn't hurt so badly she would have burst into laughter anew.

* * *

One week later...

"To those we've lost," said Clarke, looking at her, as if prompting.

"And those we'll soon find," finished Lexa.

She placed her hand over top Clarke's and together they pressed the button that would finally blow the mountain wide open and allow them to set their people free.

Except, nothing happened.

They kept pressing it over and over, but the result was always the same.

"What's wrong?" said Lexa desperately. "Why isn't it working?"

"They're jamming us," answered Clarke. "I have to get closer," she continued, determinedly moving away from the cover of the large boulder before Lexa could stop her.

As soon as she did, at least eight guns opened fire in her direction. Lincoln swept in and brought Clarke back to safety.

But too late.

Lincoln had been hit in the arm and Clarke was clutching at her upper chest. Blood began to seep through her fingertips.

_No._

The world stood still and Lexa was paralysed into inaction, the blood pounding so loudly in her ears that she couldn't hear past her own pain.

"Commander, she's dying," said Lincoln as he crouched by Clarke's collapsed side and clutched at his own arm. "What do you want me to do?"

The countdown continued. Soon the door would be locked to them forever. But what did that matter when Clarke was dying?

"Commander!"

She snapped to attention. "Bring me the medical kit!"

While Lincoln raced to do as she bade, she knelt beside Clarke, applying pressure to the wound. She cupped the side of the girls face with her free hand. "You're going to be okay, Clarke."

In response, Clarke gurgled and coughed up blood.

Which only meant one thing; her lungs had been pierced.

Before Lexa could freak out about this development one of her warriors yelled, "Heda, the door!"

There couldn't be much time left. Her eyes caught sight of the holster on Clarke's waist. Lexa was loathe to leave Clarke's side but she had no choice. In as few movements as possible, she pulled out the gun, turned off the safety, pivoted around the edge of the boulder and levelled a bullseye shot to the charge. The bomb blew and her people cheered victoriously, even as the damnable shooters continued to rain bullets down on them. How she wanted to see them suffer. How she wanted to tear into them until they begged for mercy.

In commander mode now, "Flank the shooters! Kill them all! Go!"

After giving her orders, she dropped down and placed her hand back to the bubbling and oozing wound. Lincoln arrived a moment later with the kit in hand.

The commander pointed to the respiratory aid and said, "Place that over her mouth and continue squeezing the sac every few seconds."

"Forgive me, Clarke," she murmured as she ripped the girls shirt open to gain better access.

For the briefest of moments she was distracted by Clarke's full, jiggling breasts, but then moved her gaze higher to where the bullet wound was. Judging by its placement, and Clarke's condition, it must have punctured the right upper lobe of her lungs.

"Bring me a torch!" she demanded.

Someone quickly did as she said, and once she could actually see what she was dealing with, her breath caught and she suddenly forgot everything she had learned. She had never frozen when healing Quint. It hadn't mattered to her whether he lived or died. This was an entirely different ballgame – whatever that was.

Again, Lincoln brought her back to her senses.

"Commander!"

As she took a deep breath and reached for the forceps, Lexa invoked the commander persona, and instantly her hands stopped shaking and she got to work extracting the bullet without thought or feeling, letting muscle memory guide her movements.

Instead of screaming, Clarke spluttered up more blood into the respirator and started wheezing heavily. Lexa wished she could have used a topical anaesthetic to dull the pain, but the sky people had already used that up.

With the blasted bullet out, she reached for the suctioner and deftly inserted the flexible tube into the hole. She pressed the button and a small motor hummed to life, removing some of the excess liquid from around and inside her lungs. When it beeped, she retracted it and quickly located the sealant. This too she inserted into the hole, releasing the foaming agent to the lung tear. When the oxygen bubbles stopped leaking out, she assumed she had successfully accomplished her goal. She let out a sigh of relief and then stuck a patch over the wound to keep it from getting dirty and infected. Clarke was breathing a little easier. She was stable for the moment. They needed to get her proper medical care. They needed Clarke's mother.

"Someone find me Abby of the Sky People!" she barked at large.

They also needed a medical facility.

It was time to bring down the mountain.

Softening for a few seconds, she grabbed hold of Clarke's hand, and pushed aside the emotion at feeling how weak and rapid her pulse was. "Hold on, Clarke." Before she left, she removed her coat and attempted to cover the exposed, shivering girl. Lincoln stopped her.

"You need your armour. Let me."

Realizing the validity of this statement, she re-clothed herself and helped him shrug out of his coat.

"Stay with her until Abby arrives. Then come and find me."

He nodded and continued to provide Clarke with sustenance with his good arm. If Lexa had had more time she would have tended to him too. But he was strong and not fatally injured, and Clarke needed help more. As did their people.

She ordered two of her warriors to stand guard over her love. It was killing her to leave Clarke in this deplorable condition, even the commander persona couldn't quell that feeling.

The gunfire had stopped some time ago but she only just became aware of this now. She poked her head out and commanded her army to march with her towards the monstrous door that they had yet to pry open, her warriors waiting for the order. She gave it now.

While they were preoccupied with that, one of the warriors sent to flank the shooters came forward, pushing a tied up man before him.

"What is this?" she asked of the warrior. "Why is he not dead?"

"He says he has a deal to offer you."

"Deal?" she pondered in English, looking at the man.

He smirked, and a rage took hold. She was certain he was the perpetrator. Before he could speak she stabbed him in the throat with her dagger. He gurgled like Clarke had done while the blood gushed out and he fell to the ground. Her only regret was that he had not suffered more.

"No deal," she said waspishly, smiling grimly.

* * *

One day later...

The surviving Trikru stood around the funeral pyre's.

"Yo gonplei ste oden."

Lexa spoke the words halfheartedly as she lit the first one in the dying light of day.

She moved onto the next pile of wood and bodies and did the same. She didn't want to be here, surrounded by so much death, of lives she had ended, but her unceasing sense of duty demanded it.

After the last one, she stood back and regarded the flaming pyre's and the sickeningly delicious scent that wafted off of them with impassiveness. It never stopped surprising her how much burning bodies smelled like roast boar. Then again, they were all meat, weren't they? Why shouldn't they smell the same?

As she morbidly mused about this, not for the first time, one of her people came over and whispered in her ear. With the woman's words, it became almost impossible to stand still and remain here for a respectful amount of time. Yes, she had given orders to be alerted immediately, but she hadn't meant during the sendoff of nearly one hundred of her people's spirits.

She relied on the commander spirit to dampen her instincts and see her through this anticipation. When some of her people started to leave, so did she. The restraint it took not to sprint towards the mountain was immense.

Once inside the bunker of death, she quickened her step and activated the elevator mid way down the hall. It seemed to take an eternity to ding and let her in. She jabbed at the basement level button where the medical facilities were located.

Now that she was so near, she couldn't stop herself from running, and Trikru and Ark guards alike regarded her strangely as she pushed past them into the infirmary.

There were many others in here. She paid them no mind, her gaze immediately snapping to a particular bed. Lexa's stomach dropped when she saw that damn sky boy sitting on it, holding Clarke's hand in an intimate manner.

Their eyes met - Clarke's hazed and dull from the drugs, Lexa's bright and tearful - and a smile started to spread, growing larger with every step she took towards Clarke, despite Bellamy's presence.

"I'll give you two some space," he said, moving off to another bed, the one that housed his sleeping sister.

When she was by her side, she resisted the powerful urge to embrace the girl and never let go by placing her hands behind her back and grasping her wrist.

"Clarke," she managed finally.

"Lexa," responded Clarke, voice raspy.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I was shot," she said, chuckling slightly. Clarke winced and Lexa's grip tightened painfully. The sky girl looked to her with kind eyes. "I heard I have you to thank for saving my life...so thanks."

She held out her hand and Lexa gladly accepted the contact, feeble and brief as it was.

"I did what I could," she replied, dipping her head.

_I wish I could have done more._

"Not that I'm complaining, but how did you? Save my life, I mean."

Lexa didn't want to lie, so she didn't.

"I simply performed an operation I was familiar with."

In fact, it was the last one she had performed before the time loop ended.

Clarke's eyes became less hazed, more curious. "When did you learn how to heal like that? Who taught you?"

Lexa shook her head, amused by the interrogation. Even drugged, there was no stopping her inquisitive spirit, ever thirsty for knowledge, for the truth.

"You've been through a lot, Clarke," she said, patting her hand. "You should rest."

Clarke grasped her hand roughly. "Don't avoid the question, Lexa. _Who_ taught you?"

Her vital signs spiked. The girl was growing more agitated by the second, which wasn't good for her recovery. Lexa was stuck in a quandary. Avoiding the question further, or flat out lying, would aggravate Clarke more. So too would telling her the truth. Lexa's eyes flicked to the morphine drip. It would be easy enough to put Clarke under again.

Thankfully the spike had drawn Abby's attention. She saw the fierce look on her daughter's face and the firm hold she had on the commander, and decided to break it up. The last thing Clarke needed right now were complications, medical or otherwise.

"I think that's enough visiting for tonight."

Clarke gave her mother the stink eye but relented, letting Lexa go. Lexa hadn't expected their reunion to be so brief. She would have stayed the night if she could have, would have stayed forever. Still, she nodded to Abby and proceeded to leave the infirmary.

"Don't think this is over!" Clarke threatened when her back was turned. "I _will_ get down to the bottom of this! Mark my words!"

"Clarke!" scolded Abby. "Have some consideration for the other patients. They're trying to rest. Just like you _should_ be."

Lexa imagined she heard the girls grumble and the accompany grumpy face and smiled. All was right with the world.

She couldn't wait until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone else cheer when she stabbed Emerson in the throat? Ah, good times.
> 
> Anyway, that's it for me folks. Thanks for joining me on this crazy ride. May we meet again. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I decided I'd give you guys an alternate ending because I'm cool like that.

There were many others in here. She paid them no mind, her gaze immediately snapping to a particular bed. Lexa's stomach dropped when she saw that damn sky boy sitting on it, holding Clarke's hand in an intimate manner.

Their eyes met - Clarke's hazed and dull from the drugs, Lexa's bright and tearful - and a smile started to spread, growing larger with every step she took towards Clarke, despite Bellamy's presence.

"I'll give you two some space," he said, moving off to another bed, the one that housed his sleeping sister.

When she was by Clarke's side, she resisted the powerful urge to embrace the girl and never let go by placing her hands behind her back and grasping her wrist.

"Clarke," she managed finally.

"Lexa," responded Clarke, voice raspy.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I was shot," she said, chuckling slightly. Clarke winced and Lexa's grip tightened painfully. The sky girl looked to her with kind eyes and a hint of something else that Lexa couldn't place. "I heard I have you to thank for saving my life...so thanks."

She held out her hand and Lexa gladly accepted the contact.

"I did what I co-" she started, before Clarke pulled her in for a hug.

Lexa held her gingerly, awkwardly, not wanting to further aggravate her injury. The memory and emotions this close contact was bringing back to her were almost overwhelming, but she bore them with silent dignity.

She shivered when she felt Clarke's warm breath on her neck, her lips moving close to her ear. Nothing could have prepared her for what came next. "I told you we would try this again."

Lexa jolted back to observe the blonde's smirk. All trace of the dullness had vanished from her eyes. _Now_ Lexa placed that something else. Mischief.

"How?" she whispered as her whole body tingled in confusion and anticipation.

"Maybe you should sit, kid," Clarke continued, patting the side of the bed. "There's been enough people passing out around here as it is."

Dumbly, she nodded and did as she was bade.

"I don't know how it happened, Lexa. When I was under it all just came back to me."

"Everything?" she asked tentatively, not sure she wanted Clarke to remember some of her less finer moments. The kissing incident came to mind.

"Yes, everything. I thought it was just a weird drug induced dream at first, but when I saw you just now, I _knew_ it was real." Clarke shook her head. "It's beyond me how you didn't go insane." She grinned. "Or maybe you did. You got pretty sadistic towards the end, didn't you?"

Still dumbfounded they were having this conversation, it took a few seconds to reply in more than a single word. "I was surprised you went along with dismembering and torturing Quint so many times."

Clarke shrugged and grinned wider. "He deserved it." Clarke became thoughtful. "Kind of ironic that the guy who kept trying to kill me ended up saving my life. The universe, or whatever it was that kept you there, has a wicked sense of humour."

"That it does."

They observed each other quietly for awhile, Lexa trying to determine what this meant for them down the road. Did it _really_ change anything between them?

"Thank you for believing me," she said suddenly. "For believing _in_ me. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't."

Clarke took her hand again, giving such a sincere smile that Lexa's breath caught. "You trusted me about Bellamy and Octavia. Let's call it even." Her heart hammered wildly as Clarke added, "I think part of the reason I believed you was because..." Clarke's vital signs blipped, "deep down I cared for you too. Something I can't deny any longer."

This was all too much. After months of torturous unrequited feelings, the woman with a fierce grip on her mind and body suddenly revealed she has them too. How was she to cope with that?

Crying apparently.

The tears started to fall without her consent and she tried to wipe them away but Clarke said,"You need this, Lexa. Don't fight it." Lexa nodded and Clarke pulled her into another embrace. It was all Lexa could do not to sob and squeeze her tight when Clarke started to stroke her back tenderly, like Costia used to do after a particularly bad day.

Lexa took several steadying breaths before giving Clarke a reprieve from such weakness.

The golden girl looked at her funnily.

"What is it, Clarke?"

"You smeared your war paint," she replied, biting her lip, holding back laughter. "If ever you looked like a demented raccoon-" she snorted, "it's now."

She had a flashback to the poor creatures she had dissected and felt a pang of guilt.

Sternly, "Mocking the commander usually means death."

Clarke's eyes danced playfully as she entwined their fingers. "Oh, you let me get away with _plenty_ before now. I'm not worried."

"When did I do such a thing?" she asked, with a frown.

"Are you serious?" said Clarke, eyebrows shooting up. Lexa was. "Like all the time!" Her vitals blipped again. "I didn't understand your favouritism while it was happening," Clarke smirked, "but now it's clear to me that you were whipped from the very beginning."

Lexa had learned a lot of expressions over the past ten months, but she didn't believe that was one of them. Still, she got the gist. It unsettled her that she had been so easily manipulated by a pretty face and willful spirit. The commander was supposed to be above such tactics.

Clarke stroked the side of her hand with her thumb, bringing her back to the moment. Her eyes locked with Clarke's. "Don't feel badly about that. I've been told I'm hard to deny."

"Now that you have brought this to my attention," Lexa said, deadly serious, "do not expect special treatment in the future. I can't be seen 'picking favourites'. There's a reason the commander doesn't have a second."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Lexa. Well, I've enjoyed our little heart to heart but I'm pretty tired so-"

"Of course. You need your rest. I'll-"

Clarke leaned in and kissed her and all thought went out the window. Unlike the previous time, it was soft and sensual and all the more maddening because of it. Lexa cupped the side of the girls face in an attempt to draw her in more, letting go of the rest of her uncertainty, praying this moment would never end.

A distant beeping shattered through the haze of her bliss.

"I think that's enough _visiting_ for tonight."

Where was the time loop when she needed it?

Clarke pulled back giving her mother the stink eye. Lexa blinked rapidly in an attempt to order her swirling mind.

"I'm surprised at you, Clarke. You should know better."

"It was just a kiss, mom. It's not like we were having sex."

Lexa's dazed demeanour returned and she stared at Clarke's lips unfocused while a cascade of inappropriate thoughts flooded her central nervous system.

"No, and you won't be for quite some time."

"If I want to have sex with Lexa tomorrow," Clarke said obstinately, "you can't stop me."

If Lexa hadn't been sitting down, she would have fallen over.

"Oh, yes I can young lady. I am the doctor here and you will do as you're told."

Mother and daughter faced off silently. Then Clarke sighed, relenting further and releasing her hand.

"Oooh denied!" came the call from across the room where Octavia resided. Lexa looked over to find the girl watching them in rapt fascination, no Trikru dignity whatsoever. Bellamy was glaring at her and Lexa couldn't help but smirk slightly.

Abby pursed her lips when Lexa continued to sit on the edge of her daughter's sick bed in a gloating attitude. Just because she saved Clarke's life, didn't mean she could take advantage of the situation. " _Goodnight_ , commander."

While impressive that the Griffins weren't afraid to stand up to her, it was also annoying. She didn't want to leave after that wonderful, breathtaking kiss. Still, she knew it wasn't good to rile Clarke up too much in her condition, so she nodded to Abby and proceeded to leave the infirmary.

Before she did, she grasped Clarke's hand. "We will continue this conversation tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," agreed Clarke, with a knowing look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So which ending did you prefer? Sapless or Saptastic? ;D


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can thank a random Big Bang Theory clip for this.
> 
> This is kind of M rated since there's nakedness and touching, but it's not exactly smut. So yay, Rose, you kinda got your wish. 
> 
> This is the absolute last chapter. I'm totally firm on that. Completely. Maybe. Dunno.

It had been nearly two months since Clarke was shot. They had now been in Polis for a couple of weeks. Clarke had insisted on being a part of the meetings with the elders. With the Mountain Men dead, they were thinking of expansion once more, something Lexa thought the Sky People should also consider come spring. Whether or not this expansion should be attempted together was the current point they were debating, and Clarke was tired of it.

She let her mind wander, watching Lexa in her element, trying her best not to get aroused by the pure authority and power she held over the room. When the fruitless meeting was finally dismissed and the elders had left, Clarke sidled up to her irritated girlfriend, and said, "I'm sorry things didn't go your way. I don't understand how they can resist you."

Lexa just silently grumbled, not looking at her.

"You know," Clarke continued, playing with Lexa's coat collar, "it's a shame all those paintings you drew of me went to waste. So I've been thinking...we should paint each other."

Lexa gazed down, her interest finally caught. She studied Clarke's face, her own softening in the process. Lexa dipped her head. "All right. When would you like to do this?"

"I was thinking right now."

Lexa nodded and Clarke grabbed her hand and quickly led her out of the conference hall.

"You are awfully eager," said Lexa in a faintly amused manner.

"What can I say," responded Clarke nonchalantly, picking up the pace even more, "it's not every day I get to paint the commander."

A minute later they were in Lexa's house. Clarke started collecting all of the scattered paint supplies so that they could be easily accessed from here on out.

The she turned to Lexa and said, "Strip."

"Excuse me?" Lexa said, eyebrow raised.

Clarke moved in closer and whispered, " _You_ like to paint your face," Clarke placed a hand to her stomach, "but _I_ want to paint your body."

Lexa's breath hitched slightly at this last word, so Clarke was surprised when she seemed hesitant to disrobe. The fact that Lexa was not ashamed of her body or embarrassed to be naked in front of her, further perplexed Clarke.

"What's wrong?" she said, squeezing her hand.

"It's just...no one's ever painted me in the nude before. It's a very intimate act."

"That's the point," Clarke said, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. She placed a hand to the side of Lexa's face. "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

Clarke gave her a look as if to say, 'so?' and then Lexa started to remove her long, open cut jacket, revealing strong, tanned shoulders beneath. Clarke took a few steps back to admire her progress from a different vantage point. She would never tire of all the graceful lines and curves of Lexa's toned body. Even the scars from various injuries and kills didn't detract from her beauty. In fact, they added character. Combined with her tattoos, and love bites, her skin literally told the story of her life.

Somewhat awkwardly, Lexa stood in the middle of her living room, apparently waiting for instruction.

When Clarke didn't give it, she said, "Where would you like me?"

_Between my thighs._

"Right there is fine," she answered, reaching for the first of the paints.

"Uh, Clarke," said Lexa confusedly, "where is the canvas?"

Instead of responding, Clarke dipped her finger into the red paint and proceeded to draw a heart above Lexa's left breast.

Clarke grinned up at her. "Right here." Before Lexa could protest, Clarke continued with, "I'm going to paint you like one of my French girls."

Lexa frowned at this. "Are you saying you've done this with multiple women before?"

"No, Lexa," Clarke said, stifling a laugh. "It's a modification of a line from a really old movie." She dipped her finger in the green paint and caught her eye. "Remember what those are?

Clarke began drawing a field across her stomach.

"Yes, moving pictures depicting things that aren't real. What a strange way to spend ones time."

_Because this isn't strange at all._

"Most people weren't in constant battles. They had a lot of time to kill."

"I will never become fully accustomed to your people's expressions." The green paint was rolling down her thigh now. Lexa made a face. "Clarke, this is going to make a horrible mess of my floor."

"Oh right," she said, absentmindedly. Clarke looked around the room until she found a large canvas. She brought it over and laid it on the ground before Lexa. "Just stand on that until I'm done." Clarke caught Lexa's eye. "Until it's _your_ turn to paint _me_."

As predicted, Lexa gulped at the prospect and raised no further complaints as Clarke continued to stroke her skin in a number of colourful hues. While not her best work, it was at least passable considering the crude instrument she had used to complete it. Or so she thought.

Lexa looked down and said, "I can't tell what it's supposed to be." She squinted at two runny blobs. "I think those are horses." She squinted at two smaller blobs. "Are those supposed to be us?"

"Yes. I painted the day we lay in the grass and just relaxed."

Lexa looked up. "You remember that?"

"It's like I told you, I remembered everything."

They stared at each other for a bit in contemplation of days gone by, days that they hadn't technically shared together.

Lexa snapped out of it first. "Are you going to paint my back now?"

"There's no way I can top your commander tattoo, so I think it's your turn now," she finished, kneeling over to wipe her fingers off on the canvas. Clarke stood up again with a smirk as she pulled down her pants and Lexa's eyes immediately shot to her crotch, hungry and predator like. It wasn't long before she was just as naked as her girlfriend.

Lexa looked far from wanting to finger paint, but Clarke insisted, even though she too was finding it hard to concentrate whenever Lexa circled near her breasts...or lower, much lower. No matter what, Lexa always kissed the scar from the bullet wound before paying further attention to her right breast, but not today. Was this just because they were doing something different than usual? Or was Lexa pissed at her for this whole scheme? The answer came soon enough when she saw what Lexa had painted.

"Is that a giant...raccoon face?" Clarke said staring at the purple and orange smears across her chest and stomach.

"Yes, don't you like it?" said Lexa sweetly, little humour actually reaching her eyes.

Ever since the demented raccoon line, they joked about this all the time...well, more on Clarke's part than Lexa's.

"It's...nice."

"Good, now turn around. I'm going to do your back now."

To be honest, Clarke was tired of the painting and wanted to partake in a different sort of hands on activity.

"Lexa, maybe-"

"Turn around, Clarke. You wanted to paint each other, so that's precisely what I intend to do." Clarke sighed and turned around. "As you well know, I am a very thorough _painter_." Lexa lightly squeezed one ass cheek. "I don't like to miss any _spots_." She did the same to the other but harder.

Clarke bit her tongue to stifle the groan that threatened to burst forth. Teasing the commander never worked out in her favour. Lexa had much more restraint than she did. She didn't know why she felt compelled to keep testing the waters. Perhaps she just didn't like to lose?

The next thing she knew, there was paint running down her shoulders and back and Lexa's hands all over her, swirling it this way and that, covering every inch of her backside. Clarke was nearly whimpering with desire when Lexa began rubbing paint up and down her calves and thighs.

She knew better than to plead. Lexa never gave in. She did things in her own time no matter what. But Clarke couldn't help it. She was on the verge of collapse.

"Lexa, please. You've proven your point. This was a dumb idea. And I shouldn't have misled you." Lexa's hands went high in-between her thighs. " _Lexa!_ "

The teasing hands retracted and she felt the air shift as Lexa stood up. She walked around to Clarke's front with eyes as black as night.

"Lie down, Clarke."

Only too grateful to do so, she did.

"There," she said, studying Clarke's prone form, "now my painting is complete."

Lexa dropped to her knees and crawled over top of Clarke, making sure not to let their painted torsos actually touch. Clarke felt like screaming in frustration and was about to grab Lexa towards her when Lexa relaxed into her, practically devouring her face.

They made love with an intensity that had been lacking in recent days and by the end of the extra messy session, they had captured themselves on canvas, abstract as it was.

They observed it after the fact, arms around each others waist. Lexa looked at her and sincerely said, "I believe I've just found the perfect gift for your mother."

"Lexa!"

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question: Would you accept that painting for a present? If so, where would you hang it? :p


End file.
